Bedtime

Brian has always had a bedtime routine, although it changes from time to time, he always has one.  When he was really little, I would put on his Praise Baby CD and rock him to sleep before putting him in his crib and quietly slipping out.  Then, as he got a little older, I would put him in his crib and sit down beside him and hold his hand through the rails.  The bedtime story thing never really worked for Brian.  Stories get him hyped up, but music seems to really put him in the mood for bedtime.  Now our routine is bath time, brushing his teeth, and watching 'The Backyardigans."  We cuddle on the couch while we are watching it and when it's over, all I have to say is, "Are you ready to go night-night?" and he happily exclaims "NIGHT-NIGHT!!" and runs in his room.  Before he goes in, he stops at his door and looks back to make sure I am in tow.  He also says "Wady?" to make sure Lady is close, too. Then he jumps into bed giggling and waits for me to climb in (YES- mommy climbs into the toddler bed.  One day it is gonna break...I just know it.)  and "Wady" takes her place underneath the bed.  As I cuddle up next to him, I say his prayers outloud and he finishes them with an amen.    The next part is my favorite...

Being at work during the day makes my time with him in the evenings my favorite part of the day.  So once I cuddle up next to him, we laugh and sing and tickle.  I look forward to this time each night.  We laugh and laugh until he starts to play with his hair.  Then I know his eyes are going to start getting droopy.  Then I kiss him goodnight and leave the room.  He is usually asleep within a few minutes.  I also have to make sure "Wady" leaves with me because she can be VERY loud :)

I love this time at the end of each day that I have with my precious son.  I know that these are precious moments that I will treasure forever.

A letter to Brian

My Brian Joshua,
  Today I was looking at pictures of you when you were first born and I got sad because I feel like you are all grown up already.  Reality tells me that you are only two years old.  There are SO many years ahead of us, so many memories to make.  Sometimes I let my mind wander and I start thinking of the times when you won't want to hold my hand anymore or kiss me.  One day, I won't be your true love anymore, but hopefully I will always be your first.  I hope that you will be able to know every single day just how much I love you and that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.  I remember the day I brought you home from the hospital.  I was holding you and you were looking up at me with those beautiful blue eyes.  We were by ourselves and I told you that there would be nothing that you could do that would ever make me stop loving you.  As I said this to you, tears were falling from my eyes and onto your little face.  You probably thought, "Whoa...my mommy is nuts!" but at that very moment I knew that my life would never be the same.  You and I have been through a lot together already in your 2 little years on this earth.  And knowing how life is, I know that there will be many more things we will go through together.  But that is what I always want you to know.  Together.  We will face anything and everything this life has to offer together.  The good and the bad.  You have no idea what your sweet little smile does to my heart and how long I waited for you to get here.  I know I will never be able to protect you the way that I did when you were growing inside me, but I promise you that I will always do everything I can possibly do to keep you safe and happy.

 So I am not going to dwell on the sad things.  We have way too many memories to make and happy times to be together. So many Christmases, birthdays, and lazy days of just doing nothing.  So many exciting things to look forward to.  I know deep down in my heart that you are going to become the amazing man that I know God created you to be.  I will never be able to express to you or to God how honored I am that He chose me to be your mommy.  You have taught me something about the way God loves us.  When I look at you and am overwhelmed with how much love I feel for you, I am reminded that our Heavenly Father loves us so, so much more.  Kinda hard to believe, huh?  But it's true.  Even though I can't go 5 minutes without kissing you or hugging you because my heart might explode with love, everything that we have in this world is a beautiful gift from God because of his love for us.

And I know that someday, even when you don't want to hold my hand or kiss me in front of anyone, you will still kiss me when it is just the two of us. 

I love you with all my heart,
Mommy