A letter to Brian

My Brian Joshua,
  Today I was looking at pictures of you when you were first born and I got sad because I feel like you are all grown up already.  Reality tells me that you are only two years old.  There are SO many years ahead of us, so many memories to make.  Sometimes I let my mind wander and I start thinking of the times when you won't want to hold my hand anymore or kiss me.  One day, I won't be your true love anymore, but hopefully I will always be your first.  I hope that you will be able to know every single day just how much I love you and that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.  I remember the day I brought you home from the hospital.  I was holding you and you were looking up at me with those beautiful blue eyes.  We were by ourselves and I told you that there would be nothing that you could do that would ever make me stop loving you.  As I said this to you, tears were falling from my eyes and onto your little face.  You probably thought, "Whoa...my mommy is nuts!" but at that very moment I knew that my life would never be the same.  You and I have been through a lot together already in your 2 little years on this earth.  And knowing how life is, I know that there will be many more things we will go through together.  But that is what I always want you to know.  Together.  We will face anything and everything this life has to offer together.  The good and the bad.  You have no idea what your sweet little smile does to my heart and how long I waited for you to get here.  I know I will never be able to protect you the way that I did when you were growing inside me, but I promise you that I will always do everything I can possibly do to keep you safe and happy.

 So I am not going to dwell on the sad things.  We have way too many memories to make and happy times to be together. So many Christmases, birthdays, and lazy days of just doing nothing.  So many exciting things to look forward to.  I know deep down in my heart that you are going to become the amazing man that I know God created you to be.  I will never be able to express to you or to God how honored I am that He chose me to be your mommy.  You have taught me something about the way God loves us.  When I look at you and am overwhelmed with how much love I feel for you, I am reminded that our Heavenly Father loves us so, so much more.  Kinda hard to believe, huh?  But it's true.  Even though I can't go 5 minutes without kissing you or hugging you because my heart might explode with love, everything that we have in this world is a beautiful gift from God because of his love for us.

And I know that someday, even when you don't want to hold my hand or kiss me in front of anyone, you will still kiss me when it is just the two of us. 

I love you with all my heart,
Mommy