The Pursuit of Friendship

Do you ever really think about how every thing you do or say affects another person? You might not think your actions directly affect someone but that's not always true. There is always someone watching you, listening to you because you have a bigger influence on their life than you are even aware of. You have the ability to build up or break down another person. Don't take that lightly. Is getting ahead in this world more important than losing your integrity or is it worth the cost of losing a relationship? We have no way of knowing how a person internalizes things. We have no idea what pain or hurt a person may be hiding from us. And we have no idea how we may have contributed to that hurt. 

I would rather have one close, true friend than a hundred friends that don't truly care. I would rather have one friend that when they say "I'll pray for you" they really truly mean they will pray for you. I'd rather have one friend who makes their presence known everyday so you never forget they care. Who takes the time to call you and text you on a daily basis so you know you are loved. As I've gotten older, I appreciate that kind of person more. But I've also found that those people are extremely rare. Over the last year I've come to realize that people I thought were those kind of friends really weren't at all. I can be completely transparent and say that I literally only have one friend in my life right now who is truly there for me. I'm so grateful for that friendship and that friendship is a new one that has only bloomed over the past few months. But I know it was orchestrated by God. Life is too hard and too short to waste your precious time trying to get people to like you. If they don't like you, if they aren't willing to bear all the responsibilities that being a friend entails, then they aren't worth pursuing. Don't stop loving, always forgive, but only pursue those who really want you to pursue them.

A beautiful life

My entire life I have always known how blessed I am in the family department. Life is full of dysfunctional relationships and although not a single one of us is perfect by any means, I always knew our family was different because no matter what happens, we truly love each other. It doesn't matter what is going on in your life, you always know that you will always have everyone on your side supporting you through whatever life slams you with. They have always been there through good and bad and I have always felt more blessed than most because all of my memories of my family are beautiful ones. Especially in a day where deep love and connection is rare in lots of family units. And even though there are those i don't see or talk to as much as I'd like, it in no way weakens my love for them. So when I found out that my cousin Blaine had gone to be with Jesus this weekend, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

When I first found out I was going to have a boy (Brian) I kinda panicked. I had never been around boys and being nervous and feeling unqualified to raise one was an understatement. I looked at the people around me who had raised boys for inspiration and guidance and one person stood out to me more than anyone. My cousin Sheila. She has 2 beautiful, amazing sons that anyone would love for their own boys to grow up to be just like. But even more than that is that I hoped and prayed that when my boy (now boys) grew up I would have the kind of relationship with them that Sheila had with her boys. Whenever they were around, there was never a doubt that those boys loved their mama and vice versa. I always thought "I hope my boys grow up to love me as much as Sheila's boys love her." She is my role model of a mother-son relationship. And she helped raise two exceptional men.

One of those young men she raised is Blaine. I couldn't begin to write about all my memories of him growing up. But the ones I hold dearest to my heart happened in the last few years. Before I tell them, you have to know a little about Blaine. He is such a handsome guy. His smile was so big and beautiful that seeing it, you couldn't help but smile yourself. His laugh is one of the most infectious laughs I have ever heard. And he was so funny. I loved hearing him tell a story. I always felt pretty attached to him too because until him, I had been the only redhead in the family :)

I wasn't the only one attached to him. Brian thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. One time when we all went out to eat, Brian was stuck to him like glue. Had to sit by him- right up next to him. When he needed to go to he bathroom, he insisted he wanted Blaine to take him. Blaine happily agreed and I remember saying, "Blaine, you're making a mistake! He's never going to leave you alone now!" But he just smiled his killer smile and said he didn't mind. And I knew he didn't.

When Brian first started playing t-ball he was so excited. Sheila came to one of his first games but Blaine had just moved out of state to start a new job. But that didn't stop him from showing his love and support for Brian. Sheila showed us a video on her phone that he had recorded for Brian wishing him luck and telling him how much he wished he could be there to see him play. And let me tell you, after watching it, you couldn't slap the smile off Brian's face.

Brian also suckered Blaine into playing the memory game once. It wasn't enough to just get a match. Brian insisted that Blaine sing a silly song that he had made up if he got a match, too. So there is Blaine, sitting on the floor singing and dancing "I got a match! I got a match! I got a match!" Just because he knew Brian wanted him too.

As for me, I always think about the hugs he gave. One of those hugs that made you feel truly loved and like he really wanted to hug you. A big bear hug. And when you pulled back, you always saw that big, beautiful smile. 

Life is hard. It's ugly sometimes. It hurts and it stresses you out and brings you down. Having a family like mine makes me so thankful for each and every one of them and what they mean to me. Thank you, Jesus, for a family with a love that's big enough to carry each other through the ugliness of life. Don't ever forget to let the people you love know just how much you love them.

 

But more than that, thank you, Jesus, for being the reason for that love. Thank you for blessing us with our family and for blessing us with 26 years with precious Blaine and the difference he made in my life.  

This world will let you down. People will let you down. You will let yourself down. But Jesus will NEVER let you down. He can pick up the pieces of a broken mess and make it into something so beautiful. I know the thought of life without Blaine in our family here on earth is unthinkable, but I also know that God tells us in his word that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Bitterness

This week has been rough, to say the least. I have been hurt by people who I thought were real friends. The truth is, as much as you want some people in your life, sometimes it's okay for them not to be. If they make you feel inferior or unloved or not important, then I think it's okay to stop pursuing that relationship. If their behavior makes you question their character, then no matter how much time you've invested in the relationship, I think it's okay to let it go. I don't think it's okay or God-honoring, however, to harbor hurt feelings or anger towards the people who have broken trust in a relationship. God says we are to forgive and that is what we have to do. Not just because of the other person, but for our own good. Even if we feel the person isn't worthy of our forgiveness, we have to remember that none of us are worthy of ANY forgiveness. But not forgiving and letting that hurt grow deeper and deeper isn't any different than having a physical wound left untreated. Over time, it gets worse until it becomes infected and even harder to treat. Bitterness does that too and in an even more harmful way. It's okay to be angry. Even Jesus got angry at injustices. But it's not okay to let that anger make you bitter. Bitterness is hard to get rid of- been there done that, unfortunately more times than I can count. 

Right now it seems like I don't know how I'll ever get over the hurt. I think it's a process just like anything else. I'm choosing to look at this as God's way of protecting my heart from getting hurt again by the same person who has hurt me before. And it also gives me an opportunity to be extra thankful for the trustworthy friends that God has put in my life.