Where Does the Time Go?

Yesterday when I picked Brian up from school, he came out saying "Mommy, there's pictures in my pack-pack!" I was a little confused and asked, "Pictures of whom?" and he said "Me! Brian!"  I didn't remember getting a note about any pictures being taken at school so as soon as we got in the car, I opened his "pack-pack" to see what in the world he was talking about.  And I found this:

And as beautiful and precious and special it was, it also made my heart break a little bit inside. Where did all the time go?  What happened to my bouncy, always smiling, always laughing baby boy with 2 teeth?  Well, he's seemingly overnight turned into a bouncy, always smiling, always laughing little boy with a mouthful of teeth now.  Sometimes the every day routine can pass by so slowly but then you look back and a whole month has passed.  Or a whole year.  I wonder why time feels that way?  I think it is God's way of reminding us to appreciate EVERY moment.  Even the mundane, annoying, frustrated, I'm-so-tired ones.  Because before we blink, time has moved on without us.  I make it a point everyday to cherish the little things about my sweet first born- his thick eyelashes, the size of his little hand, his soft skin, his laugh.  Because I don't want to waste a second of the blessing God has given me. I am sure I will do the same with my little Hudson when he gets here. 

It seems like just yesterday I dropped him off at "school" for the first time which we called "the baby room" at our church's mother's day out program where I worked just down the hall and got to check in on him a million times a day.

Or when it seemed like such a profound milestone when he moved up to "the toddler room" for his twice-a-week class.

Then came his REAL first day of school.  I had absolutely NOT planned on sending him to pre-k this year because he had barely turned 4 when school started.  But in the best interest of helping his speech (which it did tremendously) I went ahead and (reluctantly) enrolled him.

And now my little graduate.  Thank you, God, for all that you have accomplished in Brian this year.  At school, at home, in his heart.  He has grown in leaps and bounds and I know next year will be even better with a new baby brother to add into the mix.  Thank you for all the little moments that I love so much and will NEVER take for granted.

Hudson Passed His First Test

Monday was my first NST (non-stress test) of this pregnancy.  When I was pregnant with Brian, I only had to to these once a week beginning on week 36.  For some reason (maybe my age?  I am going to ask my doc on Monday) I am having to do these twice a week with Hudson beginning with my 33rd week.  They aren't crazy tests or anything, I just drive to the hospital 2 days a week where they hook me up to a fetal monitor until they get the readings they need from Hudson.  They have to record his heartbeat during movements to make sure it rises and falls like it's supposed to.  They can be short if the baby is active or long if he is sleeping.  I remembered with Brian that I needed to eat and drink something before so that the chances of a moving baby are greater.  So yesterday I made sure to eat a bowl of cereal and drink some juice before I left.  Sure enough, when they got me all hooked up Hudson was moving like a crazy man (just like his big bro, might I add).  It was funny because when the nurse first hooked me up she put the monitor on my belly in a location that I guess is pretty typical, right to the sides of my belly button.  She was having trouble picking up his heartbeat but I knew he was okay because I could feel him moving.  I have carried my boys LOW so I told her that and it was crazy how low she had to place that monitor to find Hud!  There are seriously some days that walking is PAINFUL because he is so low (again, just like big bro).  She did a urinalysis on me since I was having the NSTs because of my chronic high blood pressure to check for protein and other things.  She came back and told me that I was dehydrated and that my keytones were up.  She asked if I had eaten anything because high keytones usually mean not enough carbs.  I told her what I had eaten but gave myself permission to eat again after I left since apparently I needed more :)  The dehydration thing baffled me because I ALWAYS drink at least 64 oz. of water a day even though water gives me the WORST. HEARTBURN. EVER.  The day before though, we were busy all day and I only managed to get down about 40 oz.  That was crazy to me that just one day of not having enough water could do that.  So I left and drank 85 oz. yesterday.  I thought about just taking my pillow and blanket with me to the bathroom and sleeping there I was up so much. But whatever baby Hudson needs, I'll do!  I have my next test on Friday and will be sure to down a bottle of water on the way up to the hospital. 

On a funny note, Hudson was so hyper that she got all the readings she needed from him in about 15 minutes.  So he passed his first test with flying colors.  I just may eat a donut or something on Friday to see if he can beat his time ;)  Those make him really hyper!

So thankful that everything is going well. For some reason, I am so much more nervous about this pregnancy and delivery than I was with Brian.  Maybe with Brian I was naive and didn't know any better!  But I am just so blessed because God has taken such good care of Hudson and me both with my blood pressure during this pregnancy.  Not too much longer!  I wonder what he will look like? :)

Out with the Old, In with the New

When we found out we were having a boy, we decided that since he would be getting all of his big brother's hand-me-downs (clothes, furniture, toys) that we would at least decorate his room especially for him.  Brian had a beautiful nursery that I still love and have all of the stuff from, but it really wasn't practical.  And although it made me sad that I spend so much money on his nursery and wouldn't be using it again, I realized how much money we would actually save by giving Hudson a room that would "grow" with him a little better.  Brian's nursery was very baby-ish.  Soft, light and whimsical (I don't think I have ever actually USED that word before) but after he got a little bigger, it was definitely not practical. Pale blue, green, yellow, and white is NEVER a good idea for a BOY past the new baby stage.  So when Brian got bigger, I had to get him something that was a little more durable (i.e. something that could take stains and was a little more manly).  We figured if we got Hudson something that he could use even when he graduated to a toddler bed, that we would be in good shape since we are soon to be a single income family.  I wanted something bright and colorful and Wes just had one stipulation- no polka dots.  You would be surprised how much baby boy bedding has polka dots on it.  It wasn't easy.  As I've said before, we picked the name mural for Hudson's room first so the theme and colors were built around that.  After putting it off as much as we (I) could, we finally have the little peanut's room finished!  This is a huge relief for me.  Brian's nursery was ready so far in advance compared to Hudson's.  Maybe that is just how the first baby works.  With Hudson's room, it seems like even though we had less to buy, we had so much more to do- paint the room, save up the money to buy things, etc.  It made it so much easier to have ALL of the furniture that just had to be taken from the attic, cleaned and put together.  But the painting- oh, my- the painting was horrendous.  Even though it was only one tiny room.  And after I tried to tackle it alone to get it over with one day and Wes had to finish, we were both reminded that we despise painting and will never, ever, ever, ever do it again.  It's funny because I was painting in my over-sized Dallas Cowboys tank top and it now has a perfect tan circle where my protruding belly accidentally touched the painted wall. Ha! When Wes took over the painting, he said to me, "I hope this looks good because I am NOT painting ANYMORE." Thankfully, it turned out perfect and we were able to put the big, finishing touch on it- the name mural that started it all!  That was our big splurge and so we had to save the money to buy it.  Isn't it kind of ironic that the first thing we picked out was actually the last thing that we put in the room?  Anyway, I was a nervous wreck putting this mural up because I had never worked with vinyl wall decals before.  I heard it was easy, but with one as large as ours, it really wasn't as easy as it was cracked up to be.  I had to measure and remeasure and mark and re-mark and PRAY that I put it on straight and without any wrinkles.  That was the scary part.  If I messed it up, we wasted $200 and couldn't redo it.  I literally had sweat pouring off of me the whole time.  Looking back, I am probably being dramatic because in reality it only took about an hour but it seemed like an eternity. 

So it is with great pride and excitement that I get to give you a tour of Hudson's nursery!  Except for the washing of a few more items like blankets and burp cloths, it is all ready for our newest boy.  And I am really excited about how we were able to make it exactly what we wanted for such a little amount of money.

The changing table is the first thing we got finished.  We bought those cute little jungle animal baskets at Babies R Us when they were having a buy one-get one 50% off sale.  And the stuffed lion and frame I got in the dollar bin at Target.  We did have to buy a new changing pad and cover because Brian's warped in the hot attic :)  Wes got the jungle canvases FREE from this cool points incentive thing he does at work. My mom and I just added the ribbon and the knobs to hang them from.  Did I mention my mom is probably one of the most talented, creative people I know?  She doesn't think she is, but she helped me with so much of this stuff!

I got this idea off Pinterest.  I bought a 4 pack of these blank canvases from Hobby Lobby for 3.99 and then picked out 4 colors of paint that would match his room.  I paid .99 for each tube of paint and some brushes and that is all I paid for this.  It is probably one of my favorite things about the room. We can always remember the exact time when Hudson became a part of our family. When I did Brian's handprint, I kept thinking "His hand looks so tiny!"  Then I thought, "WHOA, just think what Hudson's tiny hand will look like!" :)  Daddy wants to wait until Hudson does his handprint before he does his. 

The lamp was from the same collection as the jungle canvases Wes got for free, and we found it at Burlington Baby Depot for WAY cheaper than you could buy it online. My mom bought the lamp and the cute little stuffed giraffe for Hudson and that is another dollar bin frame.

My mom got this cute monkey shelf at Babies R Us during the same buy one-get one 50% sale.  We just didn't know what we were going to put on it.  She got him that cute monkey piggy bank and then I made the giraffe and the hanging letter H with monkey from Hobby Lobby for around $8! I LOVE the way this turned out.

 

 This picture is really special because it was given to us by our dear friends Matt and Jennifer Hill. It was in their boys' room when they were babies and they thought we might like it since it matched Hudson's theme. 

The famous name mural!  This is right after I applied it and right before I nearly fainted after being so tensed up doing it.  This was our biggest purchase at $200.

This is the bedding that my mom bought for Hudson.  It is orange, sage, white, and brown stripes and matches his mural perfectly.  I love it.  And the pillow for the rocker even has his name on it.  The giraffe was something we found on Amazon and I think is the perfect fit!

Oh, and here is big brother trying out the giraffe as a pillow with his blanket.  Looks like he approves.

Now all that's missing is Hudson.   57 more days until he will be looking at that larger-than-life giraffe looming over his crib and screaming his head off.  Life is good :)

Pushing out the Fear

With Hudson just about 8 weeks away from being here, it has made me think about the time after Brian was born.  Granted, I was living in a completely different situation than I am now, but I also went through a very hard time physically and emotionally.  Just thinking about that time can bring back all the feelings associated with it that were so hard to deal with.  It was actually the very first thing I blogged about here back when I first started this blog.  Sometimes Satan creeps into my mind and puts thoughts in there that make me scared that I will have that same experience again.  I have to remind myself how far God has brought me by giving me a new home life, a completely supportive husband, and the blessing of being able to get to stay at home with my babies.  I know I will not be going back to work so soon (or at all!) this time or having to adjust to leaving my sons at all.   Satan also likes to bring to mind how even when God healed me from that depression that just a few short months later I entered what has probably been the most difficult time of my life.  I think about how my life changed in an instant and how I had to pull up my boot straps and start providing for myself and my baby all alone.   I absolutely hated that time in my life for the lone reason of having to be away from my baby so much.  When I even look at pictures of Brian during that time, I get so emotional.  I want to cry and it is almost painful sometimes to even recall that time because I feel like I had to  miss out on so much.  But even in the midst of that crisis, God still brought good to me.  Instead of leaving my son in daycare where I would constantly be worrying about him, he made it possible for my sweet mama to take care of my little boy.  There was no greater answered prayer at that time.  She did every single thing in her power to make sure I had as much time with Brian as possible.  She would drive up to where I work downtown sometimes once, twice, three times a week just so Brian could eat lunch with me.  She would take countless pictures and text them to me so that I would not feel like I was missing out on anything.  She would also call me a lot and put Brian on the phone and tolerated lovingly what was probably a hundred phone calls a night to check on him (okay, a little bit of an exaggeration there!).  Sometimes I have to literally remind myself as I think of Brian's babyhood that THIS ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN.  And it's like once I remember that, I am able to dismiss those terrible thoughts.  God brought me through that!!

Our pastor was talking about how sometimes we have to go through difficult times in life because God has something different for us that what we think we want or need.  Boy, did that prove true in my life.  I can remember literally begging God on my knees to please change my situation and what I was going through.  Crying, pleading, begging Him.  And I just could not understand why He didn't do that for me and Brian.  But, oh, now it is so clear!!  God had something different planned, something so much better than even I thought.  Our pastor said in his message that sometimes we go through things that we would never, ever want to go through again but when we look back we are so thankful that we did go through it and that we did endure it.  That is 100% how I feel about my life right now.

So a little more everyday, I am able to let go of any fears of traveling down that dark path again of depression.  Because I know that He has already set up a stronger support system around me than I am even aware of.  And I know that He is already there just waiting for me to trust Him and take those steps everyday towards the beautiful future that is just about 8 weeks around the corner.  Do I still have fear sometimes?  Yes.  But I am able to see that those are just FEELINGS and that God is so much bigger than that.

Easter

We had a wonderful time celebrating Easter this year.  Just couldn't seem to get enough of LifeChurchMWC- we were up there for 3 services- and had a great time with our families.  Brian had his second soccer practice and it was rainy and yucky.  I didn't realize it was so gross and wet outside and so decided to get ready for church BEFORE the soccer game.  And I wore flip flops to walk across the soccer field.  Can you say stupid?  My pants were wet at the bottom, I slung mud and grass all over them, my hair looked like I had stuck my finger in a light socket (frizz alert!).  I had wasted my time.  Not to mention when I walked back across the field to check Brian in, I nearly skated down the hill my shoes were so slippery.  Sometimes I am amazed that God would give me total responsibility for TWO children.  Anyway, all that aside it was a good practice.  Brian got to run and dribble the ball quite a long way and is really good at that.  He just kept forgetting he isn't supposed to touch the ball with his hands and wanted to pick it up a few times and set it directly in front of the goal before he kicked it.  By the end of the hour though he was doing better about remembering.

Church was sooooo good I can't even begin to say enough.  From the music to the message, it was one of the best I have ever been a part of on such a special holiday.  The good news is that anyone can watch it from home at Lifechurch.tv and clicking on "Current Series" (it is part 3, by the way).  Even if you attend a different church, trust me, you should watch.  The thing that stood out to me the most was one statement in the message which centered around the often-asked question "Why do bad things happen to good people?"  How many times have we all heard this question asked throughout our lives?  And what was said next summed up the answer-  " Why do bad things happen to good people? Something bad only happened to someone good once and He volunteered for it."  NOT ONE OF US ARE GOOD.  Only GOD is good.  And because of His goodness in sending His son, we have hope!  I love that and will never forget those words.

On Sunday, we went to church to serve in LifeKids and love on our "babies".  We had a lot of visiting babies because of Easter and there were wails coming out of that room like never before.  At times, it was utter devastation in the place. But Wes and I still love doing that, even when it wears us out.  Serving is not something we feel obligated to do but something we feel honored to get to do.  Although I am not sure how useful I am going to be from here on out.  Bending over and picking up babies is quite the Olympic feat for me nowadays.

After church we went to my mom's house to eat Easter lunch with her and my step-dad, Wes' parents, and his big sister and her family.  It was low key and fun.  Lots of sweets were eaten (by me) and lots of complaining was done afterwards (by me).  Brian had a blast hunting eggs with his pants rolled up like Huckleberry Finn because of the wet and muddy grass.

   
I hope everyone who reads my silly blog had a great Easter too.  Even if no other soul ever read my blog again, I would still write it because it is so important to me that I have a place to get out there what God teaches me.  Sometimes I write about what I'm going through- ups and downs and in between.  Sometimes just silly stories.  But I love being able to look back at my life over the past few years and just reliving what God has done/is doing in my life.  Sometimes it is easy to forget, especially if you are going through a trial.  But how special is having a constant remind to look at to show just how good and full of grace He is to me.

I am going to end by sharing my most favorite picture from Easter this year.  Another little reminder of what God has done for me.