When I first found out I was going to have a boy (Brian) I kinda panicked. I had never been around boys and being nervous and feeling unqualified to raise one was an understatement. I looked at the people around me who had raised boys for inspiration and guidance and one person stood out to me more than anyone. My cousin Sheila. She has 2 beautiful, amazing sons that anyone would love for their own boys to grow up to be just like. But even more than that is that I hoped and prayed that when my boy (now boys) grew up I would have the kind of relationship with them that Sheila had with her boys. Whenever they were around, there was never a doubt that those boys loved their mama and vice versa. I always thought "I hope my boys grow up to love me as much as Sheila's boys love her." She is my role model of a mother-son relationship. And she helped raise two exceptional men.
One of those young men she raised is Blaine. I couldn't begin to write about all my memories of him growing up. But the ones I hold dearest to my heart happened in the last few years. Before I tell them, you have to know a little about Blaine. He is such a handsome guy. His smile was so big and beautiful that seeing it, you couldn't help but smile yourself. His laugh is one of the most infectious laughs I have ever heard. And he was so funny. I loved hearing him tell a story. I always felt pretty attached to him too because until him, I had been the only redhead in the family :)
I wasn't the only one attached to him. Brian thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. One time when we all went out to eat, Brian was stuck to him like glue. Had to sit by him- right up next to him. When he needed to go to he bathroom, he insisted he wanted Blaine to take him. Blaine happily agreed and I remember saying, "Blaine, you're making a mistake! He's never going to leave you alone now!" But he just smiled his killer smile and said he didn't mind. And I knew he didn't.
When Brian first started playing t-ball he was so excited. Sheila came to one of his first games but Blaine had just moved out of state to start a new job. But that didn't stop him from showing his love and support for Brian. Sheila showed us a video on her phone that he had recorded for Brian wishing him luck and telling him how much he wished he could be there to see him play. And let me tell you, after watching it, you couldn't slap the smile off Brian's face.
Brian also suckered Blaine into playing the memory game once. It wasn't enough to just get a match. Brian insisted that Blaine sing a silly song that he had made up if he got a match, too. So there is Blaine, sitting on the floor singing and dancing "I got a match! I got a match! I got a match!" Just because he knew Brian wanted him too.
As for me, I always think about the hugs he gave. One of those hugs that made you feel truly loved and like he really wanted to hug you. A big bear hug. And when you pulled back, you always saw that big, beautiful smile.
Life is hard. It's ugly sometimes. It hurts and it stresses you out and brings you down. Having a family like mine makes me so thankful for each and every one of them and what they mean to me. Thank you, Jesus, for a family with a love that's big enough to carry each other through the ugliness of life. Don't ever forget to let the people you love know just how much you love them.
But more than that, thank you, Jesus, for being the reason for that love. Thank you for blessing us with our family and for blessing us with 26 years with precious Blaine and the difference he made in my life.
This world will let you down. People will let you down. You will let yourself down. But Jesus will NEVER let you down. He can pick up the pieces of a broken mess and make it into something so beautiful. I know the thought of life without Blaine in our family here on earth is unthinkable, but I also know that God tells us in his word that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
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