Unconditional Love

Last night Brian was in such a good mood when I got home from work. We went to the grocery store and he chattered the ENTIRE TIME. He literally sounded hoarse when we got home due to all the talking. We ate dinner(he has actually been eating decent lately! Yay!) and then we went for a walk around the neighborhood. That is why I love this time of year- not too hot, not too chilly. It is perfect weather for walking. I could tell he was kinda getting tired and it was getting close to bedtime. He kept wanting me to pick him up and carry him. He would hold out his little hands and say "I luz you!" and what would I do? Of course, I would pick him up and carry him as far as I possibly could without fainting(my neighborhood is very hilly!). When we got back home, I told him we could watch a little "Wuzzy" (which is his way of saying "Wubbzy" which is-unfortunately- his favorite show right now) but we had to put our pajamas on and brush our teeth. GASP. How DARE I ask my child to brush his teeth? He apparently thought this was the most horrible thing I could ask him to do. He threw a fit. Kicking his legs, pushing me away, "No, Mommy!" the entire 9 yards. I told him he was not being kind and I put him in time out which usually works wonders for him. After his 2.5 minutes (hehe) I asked him if he was going to be a good boy and let me brush his teeth. He went into fit throwing mode again. When I tried to approach him with the toothbrush, he REALLY went into fit mode. I figured he must be tired or cranky or both because he usually has no issues with me brushing his teeth. So back to timeout he went. But this time, he deliberately tried to scoot out of his corner. He then ran and jumped on the couch and laughed! I picked him up and took him into the bathroom where I put him on his step-stool in front of the mirror and told him we were brushing his teeth no matter what he wanted. He started hitting at my hands and just being AWFUL!! Since timeout had failed twice, I took him into his room, put him in bed, told him since he couldn't obey, he was going to bed early. And that he did- almost an HOUR early. He was so upset- crying like crazy. I told him I loved him, but that he couldn't act that way. Then I left and listened to him cry for what seemed like a bizillion years(even though it was probably only 10 minutes- he fell asleep FAST).

The point to this long-winded story is that I felt worse about the whole thing than he did. He was over it in about 5 minutes- it pretty much made me upset all evening. I don't regret doing it. His behavior was unacceptable and he needed to understand not to do that. But I felt TERRIBLE. I always want my son to know how much I love him and even though his behavior warranted consequences, it still hurt me to have to watch him go through that. I slipped in his room before I went to bed and gave him little kisses all over his face. I just needed him to know that I still loved him, no matter what he did.

It wasn't until driving to work that God used that crazy story from last night to remind me of His love for me. How often have I done something that was not good for me or acceptable behavior and had to suffer the consequences of my actions? Probably more than I could ever begin to blog about. And I know that even though learning from those experiences is good for me and helps me grow, I know it must not be easy for God to watch His child who He loves so much go through that. Just like I didn't like seeing Brian become so upset. But just like I still showed Brian that I loved him, I know that the entire time, God is right there reminding me of His unconditional love for me. How amazing that becoming a parent has helped me discover a side of God that I had yet to know.