Sometimes You Surprise Yourself

Today I learned that I can really surprise myself.  Actually, the more accurate thing to say is that God working in me has really surprised me.

I am the QUEEN of taking a potential situation in my life and making it the most negative, awful, terrible thing EVER- all before it even happens.  most of the time, the terrible, awful thing never even happens!!  So I spend so much precious time worrying and working myself up over nothing.  Please tell me I'm not alone on this??

Anyway, since my divorce I have worked myself up over Brian having a potential stepmother someday.  In my mind, nothing about the word STEPMOTHER was ANYTHING good.  From day one of thinking of this possibility someday, I immediately began thinking things like "she won't be good to my son" or "we won't get along" or "she'll try to replace me." NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE.  Did I really have a reason for thinking any of this?  No way!  The situation hadn't even occurred yet!  But, true to my sometimes overly negative self, I already began approaching this in the wrong way.  Sure, I prayed for God to bring a wonderful man into Brian's and my life, but it never occurred to me to pray for a wonderful woman to come into his life because I had already become so negative about it anyway.

Well, 3 years later and now Brian has a new stepfather.  Who is wonderful! And now Brian also has a new woman in his life that could maybe one day become his stepmother.  And you know what?  God has shown me that the word STEPMOTHER doesn't have to be bad.  Although I don't know this woman at all on a personal level yet, she has already shown me that she is good to my son.  How do I know this from someone I haven't met yet?  Well, for one, sometimes Brian talks about her.  And he always seems excited about it.  And she does special things with him when he's with his dad.  Bottom line, her being good to my son and making him happy makes this mama happy.  And that gives me so much respect for her.  I am sure it isn't easy to be in a relationship with someone who has a child with someone else.  I have respect for those who are. And you and I both know that it can result in one of two things:  1) There is jealousy, bitterness and not really a relationship with the child or 2) a bond, although not Mommy or Daddy, that is special in its own way. I have a feeling that Brian is going to get lucky and get a 2 for 2 on the step parent thing.

What I'm trying to say is that I all but prepared myself for nearly THREE YEARS to despise someone I had never even met!  And what God has slowly been showing me and REALLY brought to my attention today is that I should have trusted HIM with this.  That He is ALWAYS going to have Brian's best interest in mind and is ALWAYS going to make sure He is taken care of and loved.  Wow.  Talk about feeling about an inch tall!  I wish I had trusted Him more all along.  I had faith that I would find someone who loved my son, but regretfully didn't give much thought of his dad doing the same.  Needless to say, I am glad that God is working things out for our good even when we are stubborn and narrow minded.  And I am thankful that he allows us to learn from our mistakes and grow because of them.