Floating Away

That is about how I've been feeling these days.  I am really tired of feeling so yucky and not having anything really help yet.  I am going to the doctor about every 2-3 weeks after trying different things to regulate my blood pressure.  My new medication has helped lower it tremendously, but the major problem now is the abnormal amount of swelling I am having in my legs and ankles.  It was early in the day and it looked like my legs did when I was about to give birth to Brian.  It frustrates me because I feel tired all the time and because the swelling makes my body look so strange.  I have ALWAYS had pretty bad swelling in my legs but always thought it was because of the Rheumatoid Arthritis I had as a child.  I guess I should have mentioned it to my doctors even after the test showed the RA wasn't active anymore, but I just thought it was part of it.  The doctor doubled my diuretic and wants to see me in 3 weeks.  If the swelling has not gone down significantly, he says it's time to see a cardiologist.  Sometimes your heart can be pumping too slow and that results in the fluid accumulation.  Or he said something about a leaky valve, which I think sounds scarier than it is.  Either way, I would like to have some answers and have some of this swelling gone.  I think that is attributing to my being so tired and having no energy.  This is my first day on the new medication so we'll see how this is going to work.
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On a lighter note, my son is a miniature comedian.  Really, where did he get his sense of humor?  Here is a little conversation we had last night:

ME:  Brian, it's time to go night-night. (He runs into his room and jumps in the bed.  We say our prayers and he starts to kick the wall with his feet.)

ME:  Brian, we don't kick the wall.  That's not nice.

BRIAN:  (turning his face towards me and smiling)  Wass up? (turns around and continues kicking the wall)

ME:  Brian, Mommy said that's not nice.  You know you're not supposed to do that.

BRIAN:  Wass up, Ma?

He obviously was trying to play the innocent, cute card here although it didn't get him very far.  He lost his cuddling buddy right after that because he chose not to obey :)

A New Bedtime Ritual....Sorta

All of my little son's precious life he has been so good about sleeping through the night and going to bed without a fight.  He has made things very easy for his mama.  When he was a baby, I used to rock him for a little while and that was it.  Then more recently, I would cover him up, he would say "night-night, bye!" and I would leave the room.  The last few weeks have been a little different though.

We have cut out our Backyardigans watching before bed.  #1) because he only wants Thomas now.  and #2) because when I get home from work, we spend time together without ANY T.V. (the only TV he gets to watch at that time occasionally is his Thomas the Train music videos just because he LOVES the songs.  And we actually sing and dance along so I don't really count that as watching T.V.)  I don't think there is anything wrong with letting kids have some TV time everyday, I just try to leave that for my mom to use during the day.  Some days she doesn't feel 100% and they have some cuddle time while watching some learning shows.  But when I get home, I have missed him like crazy and just want to spend time with him!  So we eat dinner, take a bath, and then play in his room until we start the teethbrusing/diaper changing bedtime routine at 7:15. My child is very routine-oriented and so he goes to bed religiously at 7:30 every night when he is with me, unless it is a VERY special occasion.  He is just one of those kids who has a hard day the next day if his schedule is messed with too much. 

Now, he still jumps right into bed when I say it's time to go night-night.  Still no tears or arguing or fit-throwing- which I am thankful for.  Heaven knows if he cried I would be crammed into that little twin bed with him until the wee hours of the morning!  But now, instead of saying "night-night, bye!" he wants to cuddle.  And I mean, hardcore cuddle.  He puts those sweet little arms around my neck and will NOT let me go until he drifts off.  If I try to get up, he almost panics and says, "no, no, no..." He has never been one to be exceptionally clingy, but lately at bedtime he has been.  Occasionally, the cuddling will be interrupted by some fake snoring by Brian which takes a LOT of effort on his part.  He really works it up to get the best snort he can in there.  That gets me to laughing so hard which in turn makes him laugh until we are both exhausted from laughing. 

Sometimes I can be in there cuddling for an hour!  I think about all the things I need to do to get ready for the next day, working out, just time to relax.  But then I think about how blessed I am that I have a precious baby who loves me so much and just wants to end his day cuddling with his mama.  So all those other things take a backseat.  And I'm not gonna lie- sometimes I fall asleep too!  But it is worth it to have some beautiful blue eyes looking up at me and saying "I lub you" and giving me wet kisses on the lips :)

Anti-Social

It has been a very long time since my last post.  Holidays have came and gone, all keeping things very busy for me.  And to be honest, I have been in sort of an "anti-social" mood lately.  I am typically a loner by nature anyway (maybe because I am an only child?) but sometimes I get caught in a funk where I REALLY want to be alone and I don't even know why.  I don't necessarily like feeling like that, but it happens from time to time and this just happens to be one of them.
  I have also not been feeling very well.  I have been seeing my doctor about changing up my blood pressure medicine because it is staying so high and I can't get it to go down.  I am also having a LOT of swelling from it.  I work out everyday, watch what I eat and nothing.  I feel so tired all the time and like I have no energy.  I think this may have something to do with my moods.  Anyway, hopefully I can get some stuff figured out so I can start to feel more like a 28 year old and less like an 80 year old.
On a lighter note, my son is talking like crazy more and more everyday.  Sometimes I am amazed by the stuff that comes out of that kid's mouth!  He is actually very witty :)

Brian Joshua Banana Juice Cookie George

Okay, so my blog title may be really silly and really confusing!  But it also has a really cute story behind it...

  Bathtime around our house is a lot of fun.  Brian loves the water and would live in the bathtub if I let him.  I literally have to drain all the water and lift him out- he would never get out on his own. He lays down on his belly and props himself up on his elbows and we "visit".  We talk about what he did that day with Granny, or we sing, and sometimes we even read books because that is a time when he will REALLY pay attention and sit still long enough to hear an entire story!  But sometimes we are just silly!  Like last night. 

  Brian has this funny thing that he does EVERY night where he asks for juice in the bathtub.  He thinks it is SOOO  funny and I always reply the same way: "Nooooo, you don't need any juice!" in a silly voice. Well, a few nights ago, he thought it would be funny to ask for something else- a nana (banana).  I said "Nooooooo, you don't need a nana!"  He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.  So then he thew another request in there- a cookie.  Again, I told him he didn't need a cookie, and he was unable to breathe from laughing again :)

So last night, we were having our usual bathtime conversation and he comes out with, "Juice?"  I knew what he was doing- playing our game.  But I had completely forgotten about the other things he asked for the other night, until he came out with "Nana?" and "Cookie?"   I started laughing because I couldn't believe that he remembered that from the other night!  We both laughed until we couldn't anymore, and I pulled him out of the tub and said, "Time to get out, Brian Joshua Banana Juice Cookie George!"  

Well, that was it.  I lost him to laughter for another 5 minutes.  Well, in between him saying, "Again!!"  He seemed to like his silly nickname :)

Long time, no post!

 So, wow.  It has been a long time since I have updated this thing.  Lots of things going on around our house this holiday season!  For about 3 weeks in late October/early November, I was barely even at work. My mom (and babysitter) had surgery, some family members were sick, so that meant I got to stay home with B.  That is one of the perks of working for family- you don't necessarily have to work about sick leave!  It was wonderful getting that "break" with Brian!  I felt like a SAHM again!  Anyway, Halloween came and went....Thanksgiving came and went, and now here I am back at work.
 
 My dad got to come visit us for a few days around Halloween from Texas.  It was wonderful to see him!  It had been over a year since we had seen him last, so Brian was like a totally different kid!  Although his visit wasn't long enough, it was great!  It is always bittersweet when I see my dad.  We have been through so much and to not see him that much is hard for me. But I do value the time I get!

Grandpa and Brian

  Thanksgiving was very low-key this year and I kinda liked it that way!  It was quiet, relaxing and gave me a lot of time with B.  He spent the morning with his dad and then back home with me.  We put up the Christmas decorations and tree and I have NEVER seen a kid soooo excited about it all!  He was literally screaming, "TREE, TREE!"  He also thought  all the lights on the tree were little moons and he was just in awe saying, "Mooooons!"  He even helped hang ornaments (well, he put them all in the same spot, so mommy had to do a little damage control when he went to bed!)  It was super cute!

  I get sad everyday that Brian grows up a little more, but there are soo many fun things that he is doing now that he couldn't before!  Like last year, he would take all the berry picks off the tree and run around whacking things with them (i.e.- Lady).  This year, he understands that everything is pretty and he just wants to look at it all!

Can't wait for Christmas!!

Bedtime

Brian has always had a bedtime routine, although it changes from time to time, he always has one.  When he was really little, I would put on his Praise Baby CD and rock him to sleep before putting him in his crib and quietly slipping out.  Then, as he got a little older, I would put him in his crib and sit down beside him and hold his hand through the rails.  The bedtime story thing never really worked for Brian.  Stories get him hyped up, but music seems to really put him in the mood for bedtime.  Now our routine is bath time, brushing his teeth, and watching 'The Backyardigans."  We cuddle on the couch while we are watching it and when it's over, all I have to say is, "Are you ready to go night-night?" and he happily exclaims "NIGHT-NIGHT!!" and runs in his room.  Before he goes in, he stops at his door and looks back to make sure I am in tow.  He also says "Wady?" to make sure Lady is close, too. Then he jumps into bed giggling and waits for me to climb in (YES- mommy climbs into the toddler bed.  One day it is gonna break...I just know it.)  and "Wady" takes her place underneath the bed.  As I cuddle up next to him, I say his prayers outloud and he finishes them with an amen.    The next part is my favorite...

Being at work during the day makes my time with him in the evenings my favorite part of the day.  So once I cuddle up next to him, we laugh and sing and tickle.  I look forward to this time each night.  We laugh and laugh until he starts to play with his hair.  Then I know his eyes are going to start getting droopy.  Then I kiss him goodnight and leave the room.  He is usually asleep within a few minutes.  I also have to make sure "Wady" leaves with me because she can be VERY loud :)

I love this time at the end of each day that I have with my precious son.  I know that these are precious moments that I will treasure forever.

A letter to Brian

My Brian Joshua,
  Today I was looking at pictures of you when you were first born and I got sad because I feel like you are all grown up already.  Reality tells me that you are only two years old.  There are SO many years ahead of us, so many memories to make.  Sometimes I let my mind wander and I start thinking of the times when you won't want to hold my hand anymore or kiss me.  One day, I won't be your true love anymore, but hopefully I will always be your first.  I hope that you will be able to know every single day just how much I love you and that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.  I remember the day I brought you home from the hospital.  I was holding you and you were looking up at me with those beautiful blue eyes.  We were by ourselves and I told you that there would be nothing that you could do that would ever make me stop loving you.  As I said this to you, tears were falling from my eyes and onto your little face.  You probably thought, "Whoa...my mommy is nuts!" but at that very moment I knew that my life would never be the same.  You and I have been through a lot together already in your 2 little years on this earth.  And knowing how life is, I know that there will be many more things we will go through together.  But that is what I always want you to know.  Together.  We will face anything and everything this life has to offer together.  The good and the bad.  You have no idea what your sweet little smile does to my heart and how long I waited for you to get here.  I know I will never be able to protect you the way that I did when you were growing inside me, but I promise you that I will always do everything I can possibly do to keep you safe and happy.

 So I am not going to dwell on the sad things.  We have way too many memories to make and happy times to be together. So many Christmases, birthdays, and lazy days of just doing nothing.  So many exciting things to look forward to.  I know deep down in my heart that you are going to become the amazing man that I know God created you to be.  I will never be able to express to you or to God how honored I am that He chose me to be your mommy.  You have taught me something about the way God loves us.  When I look at you and am overwhelmed with how much love I feel for you, I am reminded that our Heavenly Father loves us so, so much more.  Kinda hard to believe, huh?  But it's true.  Even though I can't go 5 minutes without kissing you or hugging you because my heart might explode with love, everything that we have in this world is a beautiful gift from God because of his love for us.

And I know that someday, even when you don't want to hold my hand or kiss me in front of anyone, you will still kiss me when it is just the two of us. 

I love you with all my heart,
Mommy