Safe and Sound

I love Matthew West.   He is probably my favorite Christian male artist.  I was listening to him at work today and I came across his song "Safe and Sound" which is about a new baby.  I have to tell you, I don't know if I am just extra hormonal but it brought tears to my eyes.  It is so meaningful to me with Hudson coming and it brought back precious memories of my baby Brian.  Parenthood is one of the most amazing gifts I have ever been given and I am truly thankful for every moment, good and bad.  Thank you, Lord, for my two precious blessings.  Please read these lyrics and listen to the song and I hope it touches you as much as it did me.

Safe and Sound

Can’t believe you’re here now
Tiny dream come true
The answer to a prayer now
I’m so in love with you
Couldn’t wait to meet you
Hope you like your name
I get the funny feeling
Life will never be the same

Safe and sound
You’re here with me now
Like I hoped you’d be
Safe and sound
You’re here with me now
And that’s all I’ll ever need

The world’s a scary place here
But, baby, it’s alright
I’ll make sure the coast is clear
So you can just sleep tight
But if you’re afraid of monsters
Like everybody is
I’ll be right beside you
Closer than a kiss

Safe and sound
I’m here with you now
And you will always be
Safe and sound
I’m here with you now
And that’s all you’ll ever need

Someday I’m gonna teach you
The reason why we pray
So that heaven’s love may reach you
Every single day
So, baby, close your eyes now
And say a prayer with me
Lord, I lay me down to sleep now
But I know I will be

Safe and sound
You’re here with us now
And we will always be
Safe and sound You’re here with us now
And that’s all we’ll ever, all we’ll ever need
You’re all we’ll ever need

My baby Brian...

And can't wait to meet our little Hudson....

31 Things to Celebrate This Year

Turning 31 has really made me thankful for the amazing, beautiful, undeserved blessings that God has given me.  I just feel so blessed I really don't even know how to put it into words.  I am just in awe of how wonderful God has been to me even when I am so undeserving of it.  It makes me feel even more blessed to be so loved by the Creator of this world.

Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones but I have been in a state of continuous thanks today.  Every single birthday call, text, or Facebook message I have received today has given me more joy than I can express.  Seriously.  So I feel the need to share the 31 things I am most thankful for on the day marking my 31st year on this earth.

1)  Having a savior that loves me more than I will ever really understand.  Saving me from myself daily, putting my feet on a new path, and forgiving me for all the ways I've messed up.  I asked Jesus into my heart at age 7 but I think I am just now really, really getting a taste at His never ending love for me.

2) My wonderful husband.  In just a few weeks we will be celebrating our one year wedding anniversary and we have been blessed so much in that short year than I ever imagined possible.  Thank you, Wes, for loving me and supporting me the way you do.

3) My two beautiful sons.  Wow, it still seems strange to say SONS instead of just SON.  Even though Hudson isn't here yet, I love every single move he makes inside of me and everything that I know he will be.  And Brian Joshua has blessed my life in greater ways than anything else in my life.  He has taught me so many things and has made me fall deeper in love with him everyday.

4)  My beautiful mama.  Her constant source of love and support has been my lifeline since I was in HER belly!

5) The extended family God chose to put me in and the friends He has blessed me with along the way.

6)  My job.  I am thankful to have had a job to provide for my family.

7) My amazing church.  It has changed my life and the life of my family.

8)  Our home.

9)  God's provision for my family.

10)  My little old doggy Lady.  I know that may sound silly but my sweet girl has been right by my side for 12 years and has been as loyal as can be.

11)  Books!

12)  Mexican food.  Well, right now, just food in general.

13)  Gluten free desserts that actually TASTE good and like REAL desserts.

14)  A husband who does the dishes for me a lot.

15)  My comfy bed.

16)  Dr. Pepper, even in its most limited daily quantity right now.

17)  YouVersion.  It has changed my everyday walk with God for the better.

18)  Music, i.e. David Cook.

19)  David Cook....oops.

20)  Beautiful sunny days with warm weather.

21)  The Pioneer Woman and her recipes.

22)  My blog for giving me an outlet.

23)  Facebook.  Some may say it's the devil but it gives me a window into the lives of people I may never hear from without it.

24)  The ability to still be able to bend down and tie my shoes without passing out (yet).

25)  My health and the health of my family and friends.

26)  My LifeGroup.

27)  Siesta Key, Florida

28)  My husband's made up songs about random things like getting food out of the refrigerator.

29)  The babies in the Garden where I get to serve every Sunday.

30)  My DVR.

31)  For another day that I am able to sit down and type out a true, yet somewhat silly list of things that I am lucky enough to be alive to enjoy.

Thank you everyone for all of the birthday wishes!!

Conviction

Since Sunday morning I have felt pretty crappy.  Horrible migraines, elevated blood pressure, not resting well - just yucky.  So yesterday I wake up and am feeling better and guess what? It's grocery shopping day! Usually, I don't mind grocery shopping because I do it right after I drop Brian off at school and get it done quickly.  But yesterday we were out of almost everything and I went to FOUR stores because you know I HAD to use my coupons!  Anyway, by the time the day was done I was spent and realized I probably shouldn't have gone 90 mile an hour when I haven't been feeling so great in the first place.

I managed to get 3 stores in before I picked up Brian which meant I only had one more stop WITH him:  Crest.  Crest Foods- the place where everyone in Midwest City hangs out.  I decided to wait until after his nap so that I could nap with him and maybe get a little energy back.  My precious son barely slept an hour and as he was leaning over me saying, "Mommy, let's get up!" I wanted to cry because I was sleeping so hard I had the imprint of the pillow on my face.  But I got up.  And we went.

I just happened to pick the week of the "Anniversary Sale" which made it even more crowded.  Not only was everyone in Midwest City there, but so were their aunt's cousin's boyfriend's stepmom and her dog.  I was so tired and that is where I had to buy most of my stuff.  Brian was done about 10 minutes into the trip and wanted to get out of the cart.  So he was whiny.  By the time I get up to the cashier after waiting in line, I was whiny too.  And the cashier, who was about 18 years old, was a talker.  She asked me about certain foods I bought and if they were good.  She asked about my couponing.  She asked if I had been to the new outlet mall.  She told me about how she had applied for other jobs.  She told me about this really good yogurt that was on sale for $0.25.

And honestly, I was annoyed.

I made conversation with her and was very friendly because that's just how I am, but the entire time I was just thinking about how badly I just wanted to go home and how this was the worst time for this to happen.  Brian was still whining in the cart and I still had to unload all the groceries and start dinner when we got home.  I was relieved when I finally was able to push us all out to the car.

Then last night as I was reading my bible plan on YouVersion (which is a Joyce Meyer yearly devotional plan) I read about agape love.  How it "is the kind of love God has toward His Son and the human race. It's a love that sacrifices." And how it is the ultimate love that we should strive to have.  The kind I didn't have today.  This part really got me:


It's not difficult to pray for people who are good to you. But it does stretch you to pray for people who have wounded you. It's easy to hang out with your friends at church. But it's harder to seek out that person who looks like they're miserable and alone and just listen to them for awhile. That's agape love. It's sacrificing your comfort to do what's righteous.

You can "agape love' people by being patient with them, by being understanding with them, by saying something encouraging or by not saying anything when you could. As humans, we are inherently selfish, constantly asking, "What about me?' It's time to declare war on selfishness with the power of agape love.

I immediately thought of the young girl at the store.  Yes, I had listened to her talk and asked questions and kept the conversation going, but I didn't really listen.  I was too busy preoccupied with myself and how it was affecting ME to take the extra time that I thought I couldn't spare.  This showed me that maybe God put me in her line because she NEEDED to talk to someone.  Even if it wasn't over anything super important.  Maybe she was lonely.  Or maybe everyone else she had tried to talk to that day had been rude.

I felt so convicted because of my attitude.  I was thankful that God kept me from seeming disinterested towards her or too hurried to talk back with her.  But my heart was wrong.  I hope that next time I will remember this and show agape love towards someone because I have been shown that kind of love so many times by God.

"God loved the people of this world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who has faith in him will have eternal life and never really die."

John 3:16 (CEV)

My Greatest Wish Come True

Ever since Brian Joshua came into this world, it has always been my greatest dream to get to stay at home and not have to work.  I didn't always feel that way.   When I was a teacher, I used to think that teaching was my greatest accomplishment and my way of making an impact on this world.  When I was pregnant with Brian I had no plans to stop once I became a mom.  And then when he was born my entire mindset changed.  More importantly, my heart changed.  I literally could not bear to be away from him.  I realized the second (literally) that he was placed in my arms that HE was going to be my way of making an impact on the world and that HE was my greatest accomplishment.  I taught a mile from my mom's house and she was the one who took care of Brian when I went back to work. She even used to bring him up on my lunch break sometimes so I could see him but it still wasn't enough.  I cried every morning when I dropped him off and felt like my heart was breaking all day long.  I kept trying to talk myself into feeling differently.  I mean, how lucky was I that if I couldn't be with my baby that my mom was the one taking care of him?  But it didn't work.  It made me miserable and so a little over a month later,  I gave it up to be with my baby and it was the best choice I ever made.

But sadly, about 6 months later I no longer had the ability to stay at home.  I was going through a divorce and it became my sole responsibility to provide for Brian. Sure, there was child support but that didn't cover a drop in the bucket if you know what I mean.  Children are expensive anyway and I wanted so badly to keep Brian right where he was in the same house to keep him from having to adjust even more than he already was.  So I had to work full-time to be able to do that.  And it was important to me to pay my own way and not live off of anyone else.  I wanted to be able to give that example to my son as well.  At one point I was working 3 jobs!  Teaching preschool at my church 2 days a week, then scooting downtown immediately after to work for my stepdad doing his accounting (which I am still blessed to be able to do 2 days a week) and then I cleaned 2 buildings for extra money.  I would start my work day at 8:30 in the morning and it would not end until 11 at night.  I hated it.  So I gave up the teaching and started working for my stepdad full time so I could have a regular 8-5 schedule.  I still cleaned with my mom's help because it was only once a week and didn't take long.  It took every single penny I had to make it, but God saw me through.  I never lost my home.  I never lost my car.  Brian and I never went hungry.  He never went without clothing or things he needed.  Because of God and my wonderful family, we were taken care of constantly for almost 3 years.  Yes, my heart was still broken because I wanted to be home with him, but I didn't have the choice this time.

When I met Wes we used to talk about everything.  I am about 95% sure that the topic of stay-at-home moms came up on our first date.  Were we talking about marriage then?  Heck no!  But we were talking about the things that were important to us and that is when I learned how important it was to my future husband (I would have laughed in your face, by the way, if you had told me on that first date I'd be marrying him.  I was a little anti-men. ha!).  I learned that Wes' mom stayed at home with him and that he attributed many of his achievements in life to that.  They were great buddies, just like I was with my mom who also stayed at home with me.  We both agreed how important it was to have our moms at home with us everyday when we got home from school and how much it helped us stay on the right path when other influences could have been greater in our lives had our moms not been there. 

So fast forward to almost 2 years later and it became a no-brainer for both of us.  It didn't mean we didn't discuss it AT LENGTH many, many times.  Debating on whether or not we could financially make it.  Truth is, it doesn't always add up on paper.  But what we came to realize is that God doesn't need it to add up on paper to work.  He has ALWAYS provided for us.  He provided for just me and Brian and He has since provided for our new family.  He made a way for me to reduce my work to just 2 days a week back in July and we have never gone without.  And although it can be a little scary, we know He will do the same for us come June 1, 2012.  How do we know that?  Because we know we are making this choice for the good of our children.  We know that is what God wants for us and we know if we follow through, He will honor our choice.  I admire those mothers who, like me once, have to work and are still exceptional parents.  Believe me, parenting in itself is hard but parenting alone is even harder.  And even mothers who work and aren't alone should be patted on the back for being able to do both.  I don't judge anyone who chooses to do that.  It just isn't the choice for us.

So I am thrilled beyond belief that even though I will never get the time back that I had to spend away from Brian when he was a baby, I will get to have that time from here on out.  There is no paycheck in the world that could be worth more than that to me.  I will gladly sacrifice material things and extra things and even "stress-free" living to be able to get to be there for my boys.  Thank you, Lord, for this great blessing.

Wishin' and Hopin' and Thinkin' and Prayin'...

....that Hudson's room would get itself ready.

On Friday, my mom came over and we pulled all of Brian's baby stuff out of the attic.  You would think that would've been fun.  You would think.  But I got totally overwhelmed.  I really had forgotten how much stuff a baby requires.  After looking around my garage filled with a crib, stroller, car seat, pack & play, changing table, tubs of clothes, etc., I felt like Babies R Us had thrown up at my house and it made me want to throw up a little too.

Now, again, you would think that I would be happy with myself for keeping all this stuff (which still looks brand new) so I don't have to spend the money to buy new stuff.  I can remember picking out stuff for Brian and thinking "If I get gender neutral, I can just use it again if I have another baby!"

But after hauling it out, cleaning it up, rewashing clothes- wouldn't it have just been easier to buy new stuff? :)

I think I was just cranky because I had to stop and pee every 5 minutes. 

Anyway...We decided to do something different as far as colors and bedding for Hudson's room.  Brian's bedding was Wendy Bellisimo from Babies R Us that cost me over $300 (I pooled all my birthday money that year to buy it!) and was so pretty.  It was pale blue, green, yellow and white.  Very whimsical and very baby.  But it wasn't real practical.  Because when he got older it was just too easy to get messy.  And while it was perfect for a newborn baby boy, it didn't have that "bigger boy" look.

Here is Brian's nursery (I am going to try to sell it:  Curtains, bedding, mobile, shelf, rug, picture- if you know anyone who might be interested!  A lot of it is in its original boxes.)

My very talented Aunt Joyce made Brian's wall mural for him. I love it and will never get rid of it.

So we started by picking out a wall mural for Hudson's room.  Wes liked it best and I couldn't have picked a cuter one myself.

You can change any of the colors, but we really liked the bright orange and greens (oh, and our walls are pale beige- not yellow).  So now all we had to do was find some matching bedding.  We had 2 criteria:

1)  NO POLKA DOTS (Wes)
2)  Something that we could still use once Hudson grew into a toddler bed that didn't look too "baby" and would grow with him (Jess)

So after some stressing out and complaining on facebook about it, an old friend of mine showed me this bedding on a website that was PERFECT!!!!

 This even had the perfect colors!  It's hard to see in this picture but the stripes are sage green and brown accented in orange.  We are also going to have a brown accent pillow with "Hudson" written on it.  The website was really cool because you could create a picture to go with the bedding that had the same color of crib that you have with the wall/carpet/trim colors of the room you have!  It made it really easy to see what it would look like.  We love it!!

So I am a little more calm about decorating the room.  Normally, this would be right up my alley but I am doing the opposite of nesting right now.  I just want to do nothing and eat.  So hopefully, that will change sometime in the next 3 months :)

I also found this cute idea on Pintrest that I am going to do for one of the walls.  I think I can make it cheap myself, plus it is so personal.

It is for Big Brother/Little Brother handprints.  But Wes thought it would be cool if we each had a handprint on a square (Daddy, Mommy, Brian, Hudson).  I think this will be my favorite part of the room.

We would also like to do some more jungle themed stuff so if anyone has any cute ideas, please share!!!  I will post pics as the nursery starts to come together.


Oh, and one last pic of the cutest big brother in the universe passing down his baby swing to his little brother (VeggieTales not included - he may hyperventilate!)

Outnumbered in a House Full of Boys!

I am really starting to get excited about having 2 little boys.  I keep dreaming of how cute they are going to look in pictures together and imagining how precious the moment will be when Brian gets to meet his new little brother!  Brian is starting to really warm up to the idea of a little brother now.  Randomly, he will come up to me and say, "Mommy, I'm so proud of you and your baby tummy!"  Yesterday, he asked if he could hug my "baby tummy" (which is what he has called my belly since he found out).  He gave me the sweetest squeeze and said, "I just love him!"

Thank goodness.  I was beginning to wonder for a while.

I will admit, there are times when it makes me a nervous wreck to think of me in a house full of boys.  Especially when they are teenagers.  I have visions of a million dollar grocery budget and me moving all my stuff in the kitchen because that is where I'll be spending most of my time.  And boy, oh, boy if they take after Wes with their appetites, we may as well file for bankruptcy now.

But then I just laugh because I know how truly wonderful it will be.  Brothers are a blessing and I am glad Brian will have someone to share with, play with, and yes, even pick on. 

Hudson's Mini Debut

Since our newly discovered baby boy is not officially here yet, I thought it would be misleading to call this post "Hudson's Debut" so we'll call it a mini debut instead.

Yesterday started off with me getting myself ready for my appointment and Brian ready for school which is always fun.  And then to top it all off, as I was walking out the door I had to chug 3 oz (I know, it doesn't sound like much but if you've had to drink it before you know how disgusting it is) of the DELICIOUS glucose test drink.  I must have had a really intense, grossed out look on my face because Brian was watching me and mimicking every look I gave and it wasn't pretty.

Got to the doc, got my blood drawn, and my poor little baby was going into sugar shock.  I literally thought he was going to push right through my belly he was so hyped up.  When the nurse took me back to do the doppler, he was moving so much she could hardly track it.  But there he was with his "little girl" heartbeat of 155 just like his big brother did (silly old wives tales!).

It took about 30 minutes for the doc to come in to do the ultrasound and I was thinking to myself "If this baby goes to sleep..." but luckily it was still bouncing around the walls of my womb when she got there.  She had trouble tracking his flailing legs and arms all over the place.  As I was watching, I noticed the "thing" in between the legs but I kept quiet because I am no expert at ultrasounds.  I thought I would wait for her to say something.  Sure enough, her next words were "It's a boy!" and I immediately look over at Wes who looks like she has just spoken in Spanish.

I think his exact words were, "Wwwwwwwwwait a minute, can you go back there?"  He was in disbelief.  Not ONE SINGLE PERSON thought we were having a boy.   Except me.  I thought it was going to be a boy because I thought Brian was a girl and we see how that turned out.  If you had gone off pregnancy symptoms, old wives tales, and people's opinions alone, we were 100% having a girl.  But Hudson just proved to us today that those things are a bunch of crap-ola.

We are all really excited about having another boy.  Okay, everyone except Brian.  He had his little 4 year old heart set on a sister from the day we told him about the baby.   When I tried to talk up having a little brother to him yesterday, I tried different angles.  I said, "Brian!  A little brother can play with your toys with you!"  to which he responded with a look that told me I could go somewhere....somewhere fiery...

I know he will get over that eventually (hopefully) and they will be the best of friends.

I had a great time yesterday getting some of Brian's old baby clothes out and knowing that his little brother will be wearing some of my favorites soon.  Such sweet memories.