Getting Even

As I'm continuing to think about the different struggles I'm facing right now in my life, I realize that I often feel the desire to take things into my own hands and get even with people who have hurt me or someone I love.

I don't mean get even by physically harming them or anything like that. What it usually means to me is thinking of things that I could say to them that would make them feel as bad as they've made me feel. Words sting. And sometimes it is so tempting to sting back. There is something about needing a quick reponse back that my human nature wants a lot of the time.  How satisfying, it seems, if I could post a Facebook status about them. Or tell as many people as I can how horrible this person is and how I've been so wronged. And how easy is doing that these days? With texting and the internet, getting even would be just a couple of clicks away.

To be completely honest, I have felt this way more than I would like to admit over the past few months. I know this is not what God wants from me. My heart knows that but my head still wants word

revenge. So I've started a new bible reading plan about working through anger to help me learn exactly what God says about anger and what I can do about it. I don't want to be consistently angry or bitter or hurt because of someone who is probably angry, bitter and hurt themselves. And I know it is the opposite of how God wants me to be. 

I read tonight that it is not my place to punish someone else for doing wrong- even if it is directed towards me. I also read that I shouldn't let myself get so angry that it causes me to want to do evil- you know, get even. It's not my place. It's God's. Letting someone else's actions or words stir up bitterness and anger in my heart is probably exactly what they wanted to happen. And it just causes a greater hurt to me than the words or actions caused in the first place. It causes me to pull away from God and dwell on my situation and my anger.  Sometimes I feel like not allowing myself to get angry shows that I am not acknowledging the hurt that was caused to me or even more so to someone I love. But that isn't a true feeling. It's okay to feel anger over something being wrong, it's just not okay to let it fester and build into bitterness that takes over your heart. I don't want bitterness to take root so deep in my heart that I can't feel or see anything else. 

God, forgive me for the times when I want to take over your job and do the punishing I feel like is deserved. Help me to offer the same grace and forgiveness to the people that hurt me that you have offered to me, even if it is difficult at first. Even when it doesn't feel good.  I know that if I am obedient to you that my feelings will follow.