Happy (Almost) New Year!

Well, since I failed at my December blog challenge to myself I am making a resolution to blog more than last year.  Often, I have things to say I just don't remember to sign in and blog!  But a lot of changes are coming for Brian and me in 2011 and I would love to be able to share them with everyone.

I started this blog in hopes that my situation over the past 3 years might help someone else who was going through something similar or just any difficult situation in general.  Sometimes I am very blunt, but I have always thought of my blog as a way to share my feelings and say what is on my heart.  I am not perfect.  Sometimes I get hurt, upset, angry...but don't we all at times?  We are, after all, only flawed humans.

Lately I have felt like I needed to share my struggle with depression a few years back.  It is something that was very difficult for me and something that I don't generally like talking about.  But I really feel that there are more people than I know out there who has struggled with depression at one time or another.  Whether it be themselves or someone they care about.  Life can be hard.  But thank the Lord we have each other to lean on and others experiences to help us along.

You can read about some of my journey here and also here. 

I still have days when I tend to want to be negative and depressed.  But I really do feel like with God and my family, I have defeated the demon of depression that haunted me so much not too long ago.  Whenever I feel myself headed in that direction, I thank God for all of the things he has blessed me with and all my problems seem to fade away in comparison to all that I have.

Best wishes for the best new year possible.

Christmas Failure.

Well, there goes my blogging everyday for a month.  It is Monday and my last blog post was Thursday.  Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Ugly Cry

Today's Christmas memory is about my sweet little boy.  On his first Christmas, he was not quite 5 months old.  One night, he was sitting in his dad's lap watching me wrap Christmas presents.  He seemed fascinated with the sparkly bows.  He kept reaching out for them and smiling so sweet.  So I took one of the bows, peeled off the plastic, and stuck it on his tummy and said, "Merry Christmas!"

Bad idea.  Very bad idea.

He went into an immediate hysterical cry.  I mean UGLY cry.  Like lost his breath, turned scarlet red cry.  I felt like the worst mom ever!  I thought he would love the bow, but apparently he thought otherwise.  I mean this kid cried for a good 2 minutes over that stupid bow!  Eventually he calmed down but I never offered him another bow. 

As I was looking back on pictures from his first Christmas, I can't believe how much he's grown.  He had his first Christmas meltdown (via bow), his first taste of cereal and first look at a Christmas tree all in the same month.  Sometimes I wish he were that small again, but then I think of how much fun he is now.  His own little person.  But I wouldn't trade those memories for the world.

Brian's First Christmas

Christmas Memories

Since today is December 1st, I have decided to blog everyday for the month.  I was inspired by one of my very best friends in the universe and her amazing feat of blogging for a month. Which, by the way, you did a wonderful job, Becky!  Her blog posts are MUCH more entertaining than mine (not to mention written from across the globe).  So my blogging for the month is going to be a reflection of memories from Christmases past.

Christmas Eve Night-mare :)

When I was a little girl, we used to spend Christmas eve with my 2 aunts and my cousins Ross and Jenny in the city.  Here is a picture of Jenny and I on my very first Christmas.  I was 9 months old.

I have so many memories from those Christmases that I will be sharing, but one that stands out in my mind is the year that I had the crud scared out of me.  My cousin Jenny and I were in bed listening to a Christmas book (which incredibly they still publish and I bought a copy for Brian!  It is a scratch and sniff) when the grown ups thought it would be a good idea to make us think Santa was at the house.  So my grandpa went outside the bedroom door and banged on pots and pans so that we would think Santa was really there!  I remember pretending to be excited, but inside I was FREAKING OUT.

You see, I was always terrified of Santa.  In fact, it's safe to say I was relieved when I found out the man wasn't real.  I mean, I appreciated his gifts, but preferred to be out of the house when he dropped them off.

So maybe it was just me who was scared to death of all the commotion outside the window.  Or maybe Jenny was scared too.  Who knows?  Looking back, it was one of my best memories because my grandpa went to such creative lengths to make us happy and give us a special Christmas memory.  Thank you, Papa.

All You Need is Love- Part 3

Today I am thankful for my baby boy.  I am thankful for him every second of every minute of every day.  I love him more and more each day even though it seems like my heart couldn't hold any more.  He brings me more joy than I have ever known. 

Some reasons why I love my Brian:

• The way he says his name is "Brinan" because he can't say Brian that well yet.
• The way he panics if he can't find his stuffed Mickey Mouse.
• His beautiful blue eyes.
• His laugh when you are tickling him and he just can't stand it anymore.
• How even though he has 25 million Lightning McQueens and Thomases, he always wants another one and turns down any other toy you might offer him at the store.
• How much he LOVES Italian food.
• That people say he looks just like me :)
• The way he says "Love you, Mom!"
• How he doesn't like his hands to be dirty at all.
• His beautiful, kind, sweet heart towards others.
• How he worries about someone if he sees they are upset.
• The way he calls my mom "Ninny"
• How he loses either Woody or Buzz on a daily basis and we have to put out an APB and search the house for them.
• How he doesn't like to wear stickers, but likes to put them all over me.
• How he gets upset when you offer him crayons to color, because he "don't want craynons, Mom!  I want markers!"
• How he loves to hold hands with his mommy.
• That he is protective over me, even at 3 years old.
• The way he looks at night when he is sleeping.
• That he yells "help, Mama, help!" over everything.  Even if it is just needing a juice refill.
• How every single time we pass a WalMart, no matter where we are, he always excitedly says "toys!"
• The way he calls Goofy on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse "Goopy"
• The way he sings "Jesus Loves Me" nearly every night after we say "amen".
• How he makes kissing noises and says "awwwww" when he knows he is about to get in trouble.
• The way he looked up at me after he was born and they put him in my arms.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!

Love is All You Need - Part 2

Today and everyday I am thankful for my new fiance.  The wonderful man that God brought to me and my son just a little over 9 months ago.

Some reasons why I love Wes:

• He loves me exactly the way I am.
• He makes me feel beautiful even when most of the time I feel far from it.
• He loves my son in a way that amazes me daily.
• He loves and respects his parents more than any man I've ever met.
• He tries to make me feel special every single day in some way.
• He can make me laugh until I can't breathe.
• He is a goober.
• He can make every show on the Food Network hilarious.
• He loves the word "awesome" and uses it 500 times a day.
• He gets so excited about food.
• He loves the Lord with all his heart.
• He prays for me and my son and our future family.
• He is supportive of me and Brian in every way.
• He is a Dave Ramsey man.
• He puts up with my sometimes over-sensitive heart :)
• He dislikes Bobby Flay as much as I do.
• He encourages me to do things that are important to me.
• He never allows me to be negative about myself.
• He communicates with me about everything.
• He only makes fun of me minimally because I have never seen Top Gun or the Princess Bride.
• He shares my love of Phil Collins.
• He taught my son how to "raise the roof".
• He always seems so proud to be with me.

Love is All You Need- Part 1

I have noticed that a lot of the blogs I read and a lot of the people I am friends with on Facebook have been writing about what they are thankful for in honor of Thanksgiving this month.  I decided to be a follower and do the same.  But just about the loves in my life.  So I am thankful for my mom and dad today every single day.


Some reasons why I love my mom so much:

• I used to never be able to fall asleep when I was little without holding her hand.  
• She has the most sensitive heart of anyone I know.
• She is one of the funniest people in the world.  
• We always have the best time together.
• I can talk to her about ANYTHING.  
• She has never judged me -or anyone else- about the things I have done.  She has always supported me on everything.
• She has always made me feel like the most beautiful person ever since I was a little girl.
• She has taught me how to be a good mother to my son.
• Everyday she sacrifices all her time to take care of my boy while I am at work.  And to me, that means never having to worry one bit.
• She has always gone above and beyond to help me out.  Especially the past 3 years.
• She always tells me she's proud of me.  But she will never know just how proud I am of her, too.
• I have always felt so special because of her. 
• She used to surprise me every Valentine's day morning by putting a box of my favorite candy, a card, and usually something cute to wear in my bathroom so I could see it when I went to get ready the next morning.  And she did this all the way up to my last Valentine's day at home.  And now she still does it at my house :)
• She is THE most SELFLESS person I have ever known.  She will give anything she can and do anything she can do to help another person out.
• She is beautiful inside and out.
• She makes the best broccoli and cheese casserole in the world.  And lots of other things that make me gain weight.
• She encourages me EVERY SINGLE DAY. 
• She is the strongest woman I know.  She is a fighter; especially for the people she loves.

I could keep going and going....there would never be enough blog space for how much I love that woman.


But I can't forget the reasons why I love my dad so much:

• As a child, he convinced me that he was one of the original Solid Gold Dancers.  If you were around in the 80's, then you totally know who they were.  And he did such a good job of convincing me that I went to school and bragged to everyone about my "famous" dad.  Needless to say, I got made fun of and realized I had been deceived.
• He used to make me face my fears unintentionally.  Like when he would push me down the grocery store aisles backwards in the cart and I didn't know where I was going to end up.  Or when we would be swimming at the beach and he would go under with a wave and stay there for what seemed to be like 30 minutes to me while I floated helplessly in an intertube.  Then pop up laughing only after I had nearly reached the point of tears.
• He is a man that has never been ashamed to show his love for his daughter.
• How he sings along to almost every song on the radio even though I have NEVER heard him sing any correct lyrics EVER.  He makes up his own, but usually knows the last word of every line if they rhyme.
• He is the hardest worker I know.
• He always provided for his family, no matter what the cost.
• He taught me how to love "The Sound of Music" and he sings a mean "Edelweiss"
• He has the most contagious laugh and is so funny.
• He is always upbeat and in a positive mood.
• He rarely thinks about himself.
• The best head-rubber-while-you-are-falling-asleep on the planet.

I could not have been blessed more than I have with the two best parents God has ever made.