I thought it would be a nice idea to have some music playing while everyone was eating and talking at our little family wedding next week, so we made a playlist of songs. We each chose 15 songs and I thought I'd share so everyone can see some of our "musical differences" :)
Jessica's Songs:
1. "Marry Me" Train
2. "Avalanche" David Cook (SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!)
3. "100 Years" Five for Fighting
4. "Even Then" John Michael Montgomery
5. "I Will Stand By You" Rascal Flatts
6. "Maybe I'm Amazed" Paul McCartney
7. "How He Loves Us" David Crowder Band (Not a wedding song, but I cannot help but be reminded of his love for us during this time in my life. It is because of His blessings that this day is coming)
8. "Groovy Kind of Love" Phil Collins (Phil Collins brought us together in a way. lol)
9. "I'll Still Be Loving You" Restless Heart
10. "Here" Rascal Flatts
11. "Only Heart" John Mayer
12. "God Only Knows" The Beach Boys
13. "Your Love Amazes Me" Michael English
14. "Beautiful Day" U2
15. "Rhythm of Love" Plain White T's
Wesley's Songs:
1. "Making Memories of Us" Keith Urban
2. "Crush" Dave Matthews Band
3. "To Make You Feel My Love" Garth Brooks
4. "Diary" Alicia Keys MTV Unplugged
5. "I Melt" Rascal Flatts
6. "Ever The Same" Rob Thomas
7. "She's My Kind of Rain" Tim McGraw
8. "Something About the Way You Look Tonight" Elton John
9. "Crazy Love" Michael Buble
10. "Woman" John Lennon
11. "Wonderful Tonight" Eric Clapton
12. "Take It From Here" Justin Timberlake
13. "Better Together" Jack Johnson
14. "My Love" Paul McCartney
15. "And I Love Her" The Beatles
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
A Grateful Heart
Only 9 more days until the wedding, so I decided to go ahead and introduce my new blog name. I hope everyone likes it. The reason I decided on something as simple (and maybe this is cheesy) as "Just the Three of Us" is because of what it represents. I am not changing the life that Brian and I had together. We are just adding a huge blessing to it in Wes. Sure things are going to be different, but as the quote says, "Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family."
As my life is on the brink of this big, beautiful change it is important to me to thank someone who has made the biggest impact throughout my entire life. My sweet mama. I could NEVER express to her or anyone how much her love has held me up, kept me going, and given me strength over the past 3 years. Heck, my entire THIRTY years! And besides, if it wasn't for her prompting me to go out on that date last February, I would not even be getting ready for a wedding.
Mama,
Ever since I was a little girl you have been the one constant in my life. Every heartache, every bad day, ever struggle you have been right by my side encouraging me and telling me how strong I am. Even when I didn't believe it, you did. Even when I didn't think things would get better, you did. You always told me that I would never know exactly how much you loved me until I had a child of my own. And you were right. I look at Brian and know that I would do anything for him. And that is exactly what you've always done for me. You have always given so much of yourself to make sure I am happy and taken care of. One of the reasons I knew I would be okay raising Brian by myself is because you practically did it for me my whole life. And that's who I try to imitate in the kind of mother I am- You. I couldn't have asked for a better role model on how it is to love unconditionally and without judgment. Even when I haven't made the best decisions, you have supported me. I will always be thankful for that. I know there were times I drove you crazy with how pessimistic I was and worried about the silly things. I think of how many times I would call you needing reassurance for something. And no matter how annoying it was to you I'm sure, you still answered the phone. Haha.
Thank you for every single thing you have done for me and Brian. Big and small. From all the groceries you've bought us to all the things you've done to make sure that Brian has a childhood full of special memories. We honestly would not be where we are today without you. That is the truth. I know that now you can rest a little bit from worrying about us because you know we have found someone who will take good care of us both. I also know that we still have so many more special times to look forward to together as a family. Trips, birthdays, baseball games...whatever Brian chooses to do! I love you so much and appreciate you more than you will ever know.
As my life is on the brink of this big, beautiful change it is important to me to thank someone who has made the biggest impact throughout my entire life. My sweet mama. I could NEVER express to her or anyone how much her love has held me up, kept me going, and given me strength over the past 3 years. Heck, my entire THIRTY years! And besides, if it wasn't for her prompting me to go out on that date last February, I would not even be getting ready for a wedding.
Mama,
Ever since I was a little girl you have been the one constant in my life. Every heartache, every bad day, ever struggle you have been right by my side encouraging me and telling me how strong I am. Even when I didn't believe it, you did. Even when I didn't think things would get better, you did. You always told me that I would never know exactly how much you loved me until I had a child of my own. And you were right. I look at Brian and know that I would do anything for him. And that is exactly what you've always done for me. You have always given so much of yourself to make sure I am happy and taken care of. One of the reasons I knew I would be okay raising Brian by myself is because you practically did it for me my whole life. And that's who I try to imitate in the kind of mother I am- You. I couldn't have asked for a better role model on how it is to love unconditionally and without judgment. Even when I haven't made the best decisions, you have supported me. I will always be thankful for that. I know there were times I drove you crazy with how pessimistic I was and worried about the silly things. I think of how many times I would call you needing reassurance for something. And no matter how annoying it was to you I'm sure, you still answered the phone. Haha.
Thank you for every single thing you have done for me and Brian. Big and small. From all the groceries you've bought us to all the things you've done to make sure that Brian has a childhood full of special memories. We honestly would not be where we are today without you. That is the truth. I know that now you can rest a little bit from worrying about us because you know we have found someone who will take good care of us both. I also know that we still have so many more special times to look forward to together as a family. Trips, birthdays, baseball games...whatever Brian chooses to do! I love you so much and appreciate you more than you will ever know.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Ending of an Era
Okay, so maybe that was a pretty dramatic title for this blog post, but that is how it feels to me :)
In exactly 30 days, Brian and I will be starting a brand-new life. For the past 3 years, we have been a team of two. Learning how to do things on our own and only having each other there to start and end the day with. And I would like to think that we have done well. Looking back, I hold this time of "just the two of us" as very special. What started as something horrible ended up being a new adventure. I am not going to lie- in a way, it has been kinda nice to have him all to myself for the last 3 years. We have grown together and bonded in a way that we probably wouldn't have in any other circumstance. Another example of how great God is at making all things new and beautiful again. In a way, it is sad to say goodbye to this time in our lives. But also completely exciting because we have been given a beautiful new family!! I am sure that it will be a transition for all 3 of us, but when you love each other as much as we all do and know that God is in control, it turns into nothing but pure joy.
So it is nearing the end of "just the two of us" and will soon become "just the three of us." And I couldn't be happier.
In exactly 30 days, Brian and I will be starting a brand-new life. For the past 3 years, we have been a team of two. Learning how to do things on our own and only having each other there to start and end the day with. And I would like to think that we have done well. Looking back, I hold this time of "just the two of us" as very special. What started as something horrible ended up being a new adventure. I am not going to lie- in a way, it has been kinda nice to have him all to myself for the last 3 years. We have grown together and bonded in a way that we probably wouldn't have in any other circumstance. Another example of how great God is at making all things new and beautiful again. In a way, it is sad to say goodbye to this time in our lives. But also completely exciting because we have been given a beautiful new family!! I am sure that it will be a transition for all 3 of us, but when you love each other as much as we all do and know that God is in control, it turns into nothing but pure joy.
So it is nearing the end of "just the two of us" and will soon become "just the three of us." And I couldn't be happier.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Hard Times
I am having a really hard time lately with being a working mom. As many of you know, I was convinced that after Brian was born that I would continue teaching elementary school full time. However, my heart broke into a million pieces the nearly 2 months that I did that because I knew that in my heart I was supposed to stay home with him. All my life, teaching was my greatest goal and greatest desire of my heart- until Brian Joshua came into this world. Then it shifted completely. I wanted to be there with him for everything. I wanted to teach, but I wanted to teach HIM. I was in heaven for about 6 months after I resigned from my position until the bottom fell out and I had no choice to go back to work. I mean, you don't hear of single moms being able to be stay at home moms. So in order to be able to feed my son, give him a house to live in and clothes for his back, I had to go to work.
Now, don't get me wrong- my job is wonderful as far as having to have a job goes. I have a lot of flexibility that I wouldn't have had teaching. But it still is a struggle.
Like these snow days. Getting to stay home with Brian was wonderful. But then this morning when I had to go back to work, the sadness set in and the struggling began again. Brian wanted to play cars for a little bit this morning before work, so I "sacrificed" some time when I should have been making myself look a little better than I actually look today (haha) and we played in his room. He kept running around and dancing saying, "MY MOMMY!!!!!!" He was so happy that I was there. I know in his little 3 year old mind, he thought we were going to be spending the day together again. I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and cry my heart out.
And to make matters worse, my mom sends me a text after I get to work that said: "He just ran through the house with a sad look and said "Mommy's gone!"" My heart shattered a little more.
And to make matters even WORSE, he is leaving this afternoon to spend the weekend with his dad. Which is going to be hard anyway because I have had him the last 2 weekends in a row.
So I am asking you to please pray for me specifically. A few weeks ago, I approached my boss (my stepdad) with a proposal. Since I am getting married next month, we can afford to take a slight decrease in income. Wes and I already have a plan in action to pay off my car, get our emergency savings squared away, and then save up 5 months salary. He wants me to stay at home as much as I do. So in order to be able to do that, I would have to continue working for 18 months. Which in the grand scheme of things, isn't a long time. It would be just in time to start homeschooling Brian. But I came up with a proposal to maybe speed things along. I offered to continue doing all of my responsibilities here at work, but 2 nights a week instead of full time 8-5 everyday. I have a LOT of downtime here at work. Frankly, there are days that I watch 6 hours of television on hulu.com to be bluntly honest :) So I know without a doubt that 2 days a week is plenty for me to maintain my responsibilities here. I also offered to do this with a nearly $8,000 decrease in pay a year, as well as no longer taking health insurance (I can get on Wes's policy). So I laid it out there and told him to please think about it. I am going to approach him about it again soon, so PLEASE pray for me. I cannot tell you how important this is to me. It is also so hard to just let go and let God, which is exactly what I need to do. But silly me, I always get so worked up over things that mean so much to me instead of just trusting in the fact that God will meet my needs and what is best for my family. So please pray for me to trust and let go of this, and that God will provide a way for me to stay home with Brian more.
Thank you in advance for caring about this crazy :)
Now, don't get me wrong- my job is wonderful as far as having to have a job goes. I have a lot of flexibility that I wouldn't have had teaching. But it still is a struggle.
Like these snow days. Getting to stay home with Brian was wonderful. But then this morning when I had to go back to work, the sadness set in and the struggling began again. Brian wanted to play cars for a little bit this morning before work, so I "sacrificed" some time when I should have been making myself look a little better than I actually look today (haha) and we played in his room. He kept running around and dancing saying, "MY MOMMY!!!!!!" He was so happy that I was there. I know in his little 3 year old mind, he thought we were going to be spending the day together again. I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and cry my heart out.
And to make matters worse, my mom sends me a text after I get to work that said: "He just ran through the house with a sad look and said "Mommy's gone!"" My heart shattered a little more.
And to make matters even WORSE, he is leaving this afternoon to spend the weekend with his dad. Which is going to be hard anyway because I have had him the last 2 weekends in a row.
So I am asking you to please pray for me specifically. A few weeks ago, I approached my boss (my stepdad) with a proposal. Since I am getting married next month, we can afford to take a slight decrease in income. Wes and I already have a plan in action to pay off my car, get our emergency savings squared away, and then save up 5 months salary. He wants me to stay at home as much as I do. So in order to be able to do that, I would have to continue working for 18 months. Which in the grand scheme of things, isn't a long time. It would be just in time to start homeschooling Brian. But I came up with a proposal to maybe speed things along. I offered to continue doing all of my responsibilities here at work, but 2 nights a week instead of full time 8-5 everyday. I have a LOT of downtime here at work. Frankly, there are days that I watch 6 hours of television on hulu.com to be bluntly honest :) So I know without a doubt that 2 days a week is plenty for me to maintain my responsibilities here. I also offered to do this with a nearly $8,000 decrease in pay a year, as well as no longer taking health insurance (I can get on Wes's policy). So I laid it out there and told him to please think about it. I am going to approach him about it again soon, so PLEASE pray for me. I cannot tell you how important this is to me. It is also so hard to just let go and let God, which is exactly what I need to do. But silly me, I always get so worked up over things that mean so much to me instead of just trusting in the fact that God will meet my needs and what is best for my family. So please pray for me to trust and let go of this, and that God will provide a way for me to stay home with Brian more.
Thank you in advance for caring about this crazy :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Rescued
I got a message from someone today who thanked me for my blog because she had recently found herself in a very similar situation. I am so happy that God is using my situation to help others get through the same thing. Every situation is unique, but one thing is common- God can bring good to anything.
Would I ever have imagined nearly 3 years ago that I would be preparing to start a new family with a wonderful man who loves God and me and my son? Never. Would I ever have realized the extent of how much I was able to depend on my family to help me? Never. Would I ever have realized that I could work full time (and more than one job at one time) and be able to still be the kind of mother God wants me to be? Never.
But I HAVE realized all these things. My life feels like it is just beginning such a new and exciting chapter. For me and for Brian. You could say that my life has done a complete 180.
Was it because I met my future husband and he rescued me from loneliness? Nope.
Was it because of my mom, my son, and the rest of my family that I was able to pick myself up and make a new life for myself? Nope, again.
Was it my ability to be able to multitask as a working, single mother that gave me the strength to make this new life work? Not a chance.
All of these things played a part, but God is the one who rescued me. He rescued me from feeling bad about myself, for feeling like a failure, from being lonely. Did he use Wes and my family to help rescue me? Absolutely. But it was He and He alone that made my life go in the direction that it needed to lead me to today. And I am so grateful for that.
It still hurts me when I hear of ANYONE having to go through a situation like divorce. Especially those with children or those who did not have a choice in the matter. But let me tell you, even if you didn't have a choice in the matter, you can have a choice on how it ends up. You can choose to let God transform your life and open doors to things you never realized were possibly. He can make you feel beautiful and worthy and loved. All by Himself.
Would I ever have imagined nearly 3 years ago that I would be preparing to start a new family with a wonderful man who loves God and me and my son? Never. Would I ever have realized the extent of how much I was able to depend on my family to help me? Never. Would I ever have realized that I could work full time (and more than one job at one time) and be able to still be the kind of mother God wants me to be? Never.
But I HAVE realized all these things. My life feels like it is just beginning such a new and exciting chapter. For me and for Brian. You could say that my life has done a complete 180.
Was it because I met my future husband and he rescued me from loneliness? Nope.
Was it because of my mom, my son, and the rest of my family that I was able to pick myself up and make a new life for myself? Nope, again.
Was it my ability to be able to multitask as a working, single mother that gave me the strength to make this new life work? Not a chance.
All of these things played a part, but God is the one who rescued me. He rescued me from feeling bad about myself, for feeling like a failure, from being lonely. Did he use Wes and my family to help rescue me? Absolutely. But it was He and He alone that made my life go in the direction that it needed to lead me to today. And I am so grateful for that.
It still hurts me when I hear of ANYONE having to go through a situation like divorce. Especially those with children or those who did not have a choice in the matter. But let me tell you, even if you didn't have a choice in the matter, you can have a choice on how it ends up. You can choose to let God transform your life and open doors to things you never realized were possibly. He can make you feel beautiful and worthy and loved. All by Himself.
Monday, January 24, 2011
I Need Your Help!!
As I was trying to fall asleep last night, my mind was wandering in a million different directions. And my blog came to mind. I know, I know- there are many more important things to think about besides my blog but, hey, that's where my brain landed.
Anyway, I decided that I needed help! In exactly 60 days today, it will not be "just the two of us" anymore because I will be married and there will be a new addition to our household! Let me clarify that- a new addition of a husband :) I don't want anyone thinking I meant a baby! My relationship with Wes is pure and that is a decision we made from the beginning to honor God and our relationship. Okay, now that's TMI, but I am proud of that!
I cannot believe I totally got off the subject like that. Back to what I was saying...
I am going to be needing a new name for my blog! And my creativity levels aren't very high lately so I need your help! And I know all of you who read my blog are creative because guess what? I read your blogs too!! So I am asking for creative suggestions as to what I should rename the title of my blog!
On a side note, I went shopping for my wedding dress this weekend. Since we are getting married at my parents' house with just family, I was looking for something not too fancy but not TOO plain. I found the perfect dress!! I want so badly to post a picture of it, but I am afraid Wes will read my blog and see it! And I want him to be surprised. Not only was it exactly what I pictured, but it also came super close to my budget (which was only $100 by the way. Call me the Thrifty Bride!). It ended up costing $146.00 but is well worth the extra money.
Now if only finding shoes will be as easy...
Have a wonderful week!
Anyway, I decided that I needed help! In exactly 60 days today, it will not be "just the two of us" anymore because I will be married and there will be a new addition to our household! Let me clarify that- a new addition of a husband :) I don't want anyone thinking I meant a baby! My relationship with Wes is pure and that is a decision we made from the beginning to honor God and our relationship. Okay, now that's TMI, but I am proud of that!
I cannot believe I totally got off the subject like that. Back to what I was saying...
I am going to be needing a new name for my blog! And my creativity levels aren't very high lately so I need your help! And I know all of you who read my blog are creative because guess what? I read your blogs too!! So I am asking for creative suggestions as to what I should rename the title of my blog!
On a side note, I went shopping for my wedding dress this weekend. Since we are getting married at my parents' house with just family, I was looking for something not too fancy but not TOO plain. I found the perfect dress!! I want so badly to post a picture of it, but I am afraid Wes will read my blog and see it! And I want him to be surprised. Not only was it exactly what I pictured, but it also came super close to my budget (which was only $100 by the way. Call me the Thrifty Bride!). It ended up costing $146.00 but is well worth the extra money.
Now if only finding shoes will be as easy...
Have a wonderful week!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Let Downs
All throughout my childhood, I never really ever had a "best friend" so to speak. I did the typical little girl best friend thing- usually a different one every year like a lot of little girls do. Someone you meet in elementary school on that very first day of school that ends up being your best friend for the entire year. But usually those friendships start to fade away a little over time. Another school year starts and you don't have the same teacher so you drift towards someone else. And it really isn't that big of deal because there always seems to be another new best friend on the horizon. That is pretty much how my life typically went.
Then in high school, I started to really long for God to send me just one good Christian girlfriend. Someone I could be honest with who would always be there for me with love and support. Someone I could offer the same too. Teenage years are hard and it is just easier to have someone there to help you navigate them. However, every time I thought I had found the answer to my prayers I would be sadly mistaken. I had a lot of broken heart moments from these "friends" and just came to the conclusion that I just wasn't meant to have a good girlfriend like that. In fact, based on experience, my male friends were 10 times more loyal than any girlfriends I ever had. Now mind you, I have a cousin who I grew up with who was like a sister to me and gave me so much love and support. But I still wanted that one special friend.
When I was a sophomore in high school I met a boy named Jake who ended up being the best friend I ever had. I have never had anyone who I could laugh with so hard and tell anything to like I did him. We literally spent every single Friday night together all throughout college even though we went to 2 different schools. We always made that our night. I will probably always consider him my best friend because of the years we shared together. Even though now he lives in New York and is a big-shot doctor :) We rarely see each other, don't get to talk nearly enough, but when we do it is as if nothing has changed and no time has passed.
Which brings me to today. Here I am, almost 30 years old and the longing for that one friend to go through everyday life with me is still strong. I am selfish about this friendship I want so much- I want it for the rest of my life. That person that you call every day to check in with even if is only a 30 second conversation before Brian comes in and hangs up the phone.
I have found that as an adult and even a mother now, failed friendships have hurt me more than any other time. I have cried more tears, had more hurt feelings now than any time throughout my life. I wonder why God brings someone into my life to hurt me again. I know there are reasons, but it still makes it difficult to understand and let go. I may never understand why people do the things they do, but in my heart I know that maybe it is not for me to understand fully. I have searched my heart and know that I have done all I can do. The rest is in God's hands.
I am not trying to throw a pity party or make it seem like I am friendless :) I have a few dear friends who I absolutely adore and will be forever thankful for their presence in my life. I just wish that life wasn't so busy and that we were able to spend more time together. I know a lot of the burden falls on me. Single motherdom and BFF's don't really go hand in hand :) But I will continue to pray that God will fill that void in my life.
Then in high school, I started to really long for God to send me just one good Christian girlfriend. Someone I could be honest with who would always be there for me with love and support. Someone I could offer the same too. Teenage years are hard and it is just easier to have someone there to help you navigate them. However, every time I thought I had found the answer to my prayers I would be sadly mistaken. I had a lot of broken heart moments from these "friends" and just came to the conclusion that I just wasn't meant to have a good girlfriend like that. In fact, based on experience, my male friends were 10 times more loyal than any girlfriends I ever had. Now mind you, I have a cousin who I grew up with who was like a sister to me and gave me so much love and support. But I still wanted that one special friend.
When I was a sophomore in high school I met a boy named Jake who ended up being the best friend I ever had. I have never had anyone who I could laugh with so hard and tell anything to like I did him. We literally spent every single Friday night together all throughout college even though we went to 2 different schools. We always made that our night. I will probably always consider him my best friend because of the years we shared together. Even though now he lives in New York and is a big-shot doctor :) We rarely see each other, don't get to talk nearly enough, but when we do it is as if nothing has changed and no time has passed.
Which brings me to today. Here I am, almost 30 years old and the longing for that one friend to go through everyday life with me is still strong. I am selfish about this friendship I want so much- I want it for the rest of my life. That person that you call every day to check in with even if is only a 30 second conversation before Brian comes in and hangs up the phone.
I have found that as an adult and even a mother now, failed friendships have hurt me more than any other time. I have cried more tears, had more hurt feelings now than any time throughout my life. I wonder why God brings someone into my life to hurt me again. I know there are reasons, but it still makes it difficult to understand and let go. I may never understand why people do the things they do, but in my heart I know that maybe it is not for me to understand fully. I have searched my heart and know that I have done all I can do. The rest is in God's hands.
I am not trying to throw a pity party or make it seem like I am friendless :) I have a few dear friends who I absolutely adore and will be forever thankful for their presence in my life. I just wish that life wasn't so busy and that we were able to spend more time together. I know a lot of the burden falls on me. Single motherdom and BFF's don't really go hand in hand :) But I will continue to pray that God will fill that void in my life.
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