Little by Little

Today while reading my bible, something stood out to me that I've never really thought about before. It is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that my life brings glory to God. Most of the time, I still see myself as a dirty, failing sinner who is nowhere where I want to be, instead of looking at all the ways that God has changed me already. That is what brings glory to him. Not anything that I have done myself but how God has slowly changed me by changing my heart and changing my mind. Sometimes I am so focused on my sinfulness that I fail to recognize the freedom that comes with knowing Christ. I shouldn't feel constantly  weighted down my by sinful nature (although I should always want to be mindful of my sin) but thankful that I am not defined by that sinful nature anymore. I am not trapped by it; I am set free by Christ. And there is no condemnation. So even when I feel like I am failing in becoming more like Jesus, all I have to do is look back on the way my life used to be before God started to really change me. Doing that always makes me realize that God is working in me every day, even if I don't always feel like I'm being changed. Little by little, God is making me more like Jesus. But when you look at the past, it is easier to see how far God has brought you. I can't even count how many times I have remembered the way I behaved and thought in the past and thought "Thank you, Lord, that I am not who I used to be!" And that is how my life brings glory to God. Because others can see the transformation in me in different areas and they will know that is from God's work and nothing of my own effort. I guess until today I could see where so many others' lives bring glory to God but never considered that my own could. Just another way that my small thinking as a human has limited the glory that He deserves for changing me in so many ways. There are many ways that God has changed me that others can see but even more ways that He has changed me that only He and I may ever know. He really does change you from the inside out- from the way you think, feel, how you pray and how you view life and other people. I know that I can bring even more glory to Him by truthfully looking at my life and admitting where I need Him to make me more like Jesus. 

Heavy Loads

Today is one of those days when I woke up feeling like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I just feel "off" inside today. Outside I feel tired. I am so thankful for my life and the people I get to share it with. But some days the negativity of life just gets to me. People get to me. I wish so much that I was one of those people who can just roll with the punches and not allow anyone to affect me. But unfortunately, that is another struggle of mine. I always seem to put so much faith in people and it always feel like a punch in the gut when I feel let down by them. Are there any more genuine people in the world? People that will let you see the real them and love you for the real you in return? Sometimes everything and everyone seems so fake.  People are willing to say anything about you just to have something to talk about. Why do they do that? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Is it a response to their own unhappiness? I would rather have zero friends than friends who aren't really friends at all. I would rather fight a physical battle than for someone to twist my words and say untrue things about me.  What do people gain from hurting others? Is it worth the damage they cause to someone's heart just to be able to sit down and have something juicy to gossip about? Do they think if they make others look bad that they will somehow look better? Is it worse to have people you don't know talk bad about you or people who you thought really knew you say those things?

I know there will be struggles in this life, Lord. You said that in the bible. And more than not, I feel strong enough to handle the struggles that life slings. But there are days when i just get sad. Sad that in this world there are so many people I would claim as "friends" who really don't fit the description when it comes down to it. 

Please forgive me for the times in the past when I have been quick to judge another person before I have taken the time to get to know them and their journey. Most of the time what I was inclined to think about them is the furthest thing from the truth. I would rather be remembered for loving people through their mistakes and failures instead of having a good seat at the latest table of gossip.

Parking Lot Prayers

A few weeks ago, I was taking Brian to Konnect at our church on a Wednesday night.  This is the first year he has been old enough to attend Wednesday night activities (you have to been in 1st grade). He has been going since the first week of school in August and loves it. He gets excited every week when Wednesday rolls around and comes home talking non-stop about everything he has learned. This Wednesday was no different. I loaded the boys into the car and hoped that we would get there on time since Hudson's new thing is to take 10 minutes just to get out the door. We were at the intersection at a red light right before pulling in and Brian says out of the blue, "Mom? I haven't been baptized yet." 

I told him that was true and then asked him what being baptized meant. I wanted to see if he really knew or just thought it looked fun to get dunked in some water at church. His reply amazed me. "It's what you do to show people that Jesus lives in your heart and forgives you of your sins. I haven't done that either, Mama."

I just sat there for a second trying to figure out how I should respond. Does he really understand? Is he too young? All these questions popped up that I didn't know how to answer. Then I thought about how Jesus taught that we are to have faith like a child. The kind of faith that, to me, means not "over-thinking" or carefully considering things first. It means jumping all in and believing wholeheartedly. I also remembered my mom telling me how when I was exactly Brian's age, I had come home from church one Sunday night and told her I had asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins  and to take control of my life. She told me how she had the same kinds of thoughts about me being so young. She even talked to our pastor about her concerns. He told her that it is not our place to determine what is the right age or not for God to move in someone's heart. Only God knows. I know many, many seeds had been planted in Brian's little heart and that as his mother it was my job to just trust God when it was His time to make those seeds bloom. Brian is always so full of questions when we read the bible each night and after we go to church that I knew things had been stirring in his heart for a while.

As we pulled ino the parking lot, I asked Brian if he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart and to forgive him of his sins. He enthusiastically replied "yes!" So I told him when we parked that he could come get in the front seat with me and I would pray with him. 

I was pretty nervous, I'll admit. I had never prayed with someone to receive Jesus before, not to mention this was my precious little boy whom I had been praying for this to happen. I wanted to make sure that my words were clear. So I just decided to pray from my heart the words that I pray again and again. There is something beautiful about praying for Jesus to change your life and forgive you from your sins over and over. It's a reminder to me to always be thankful for that moment 26 years ago when I asked Jesus into my heart to forgive me. 

When we were about to say amen, I peeked to look at Brian's face. He was holding my hands and squeezing his eyes shut tight in great concentration. I have never seen a bigger smile than the one he had on his face. He said he couldn't wait to tell his church teachers that he had just asked Jesus into his heart. I have never had a prouder moment as a mom. I thought of the times I had prayed that Brian would find Jesus at an early age and really, truly understand God's love for us. I always pray that he doesn't make the same mistakes I have made in my life and that he always holds tight to his faith no matter what. 

My little boy is now my brother in Christ. Wow. 

 

Getting Even

As I'm continuing to think about the different struggles I'm facing right now in my life, I realize that I often feel the desire to take things into my own hands and get even with people who have hurt me or someone I love.

I don't mean get even by physically harming them or anything like that. What it usually means to me is thinking of things that I could say to them that would make them feel as bad as they've made me feel. Words sting. And sometimes it is so tempting to sting back. There is something about needing a quick reponse back that my human nature wants a lot of the time.  How satisfying, it seems, if I could post a Facebook status about them. Or tell as many people as I can how horrible this person is and how I've been so wronged. And how easy is doing that these days? With texting and the internet, getting even would be just a couple of clicks away.

To be completely honest, I have felt this way more than I would like to admit over the past few months. I know this is not what God wants from me. My heart knows that but my head still wants word

revenge. So I've started a new bible reading plan about working through anger to help me learn exactly what God says about anger and what I can do about it. I don't want to be consistently angry or bitter or hurt because of someone who is probably angry, bitter and hurt themselves. And I know it is the opposite of how God wants me to be. 

I read tonight that it is not my place to punish someone else for doing wrong- even if it is directed towards me. I also read that I shouldn't let myself get so angry that it causes me to want to do evil- you know, get even. It's not my place. It's God's. Letting someone else's actions or words stir up bitterness and anger in my heart is probably exactly what they wanted to happen. And it just causes a greater hurt to me than the words or actions caused in the first place. It causes me to pull away from God and dwell on my situation and my anger.  Sometimes I feel like not allowing myself to get angry shows that I am not acknowledging the hurt that was caused to me or even more so to someone I love. But that isn't a true feeling. It's okay to feel anger over something being wrong, it's just not okay to let it fester and build into bitterness that takes over your heart. I don't want bitterness to take root so deep in my heart that I can't feel or see anything else. 

God, forgive me for the times when I want to take over your job and do the punishing I feel like is deserved. Help me to offer the same grace and forgiveness to the people that hurt me that you have offered to me, even if it is difficult at first. Even when it doesn't feel good.  I know that if I am obedient to you that my feelings will follow. 

The Final Frontier

Well, today is the last day of the detox part of the Daniel Plan way of eating we've started.  For 10 days now, we've had no sugar at all except for the natural sugar in our fruit, nothing processed, no dairy, and no wheat or gluten of any kind.  If I am being totally honest, I will admit that the first 2 days were hard for me.  I think it was more of a mental thing.  I would cringe when I would see a McDonald's commercial because I wanted it and I NEVER eat at McDonald's!!!  I think it was the whole "you want what you can't have" mentality.  I prayed a lot that God would give me HIS strength to do this because I really, truly wanted to make this lifestyle change.  My mom and one of her sisters have been having some scary heart issues lately and have been doing all kinds of tests and seeing a cardiologist. While some of the stuff is hereditary, I knew that really paying attention to everything that goes into my body would help me avoid a lot of health issues down the road.  This was our main motivation in doing this: to feel better and be healthier.  It is also really important for us to instill this way of living in Brian and Hudson.

So here I am.  10 days into this new life and completely detoxed :)  I feel great.  I used to wake up every morning with a sort of "heaviness"- mental, physical and emotional.  That is really the only way I know how to explain it.  I would be more tired and less motivated some days when I woke up than when I went to bed.  I hated it.  I have always tried to cook really healthy, but I never really looked into every single thing that we consumed.  And when I learned how to do that, it was pretty scary to me.  Over the past 10 days, I have had quite a few symptoms from detoxing; insomnia, aching, headaches.  But then around day 5 I started feeling a way that I hadn't felt in years- clear- headed, energized, rested. My skin was softer and the swelling I have a lot in my legs was gone, too. Anything that I thought was difficult about this has been 100% worth it.  Even though the detox is over, this plan is going to keep going the way it has with the exception of getting to have some dairy (natural cheese, yogurt) and natural sugar (honey, agave, coconut sugar).  I am more than ready to add those things in occasionally.  Oh, cheese, how I've missed you!

Now I'm really going to get honest. The one thing that has made this different for me is that my main motivation for doing this has not been to lose weight.  For my entire adult life, I have struggled a lot with body image.  I can't tell you where it came from or exactly when it started, but it has been something that I have to actively fight all the time.  I know of things that have contributed to me feeling this way, but not why it caused it to become such a focus for me.  I have always been so negative about my physical appearance.  It is like I see a completely different version of myself when I look in the mirror.  It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized that if I don't have my mom or Wes around when I buy clothes, I will always buy everything one or two sizes bigger than I actually am because I truly think that is what size I need.  I still try to do that sometimes and Wes calls me out on it.  I always would think "if I could lose just 20 pounds, I would be completely happy with my weight."  But that wasn't really true.

Back in late 2010, I went on the HCG diet under direction of my doctor.  While I wasn't really a lot over my healthy weight, my doctor thought it would reset my system and help me to lose the weight that I had been trying to on my own.  He also thought it might allow me to reduce my blood pressure medication.  I have had extremely high blood pressure since age 22.  I have done every test possible to find the cause and they were all inconclusive.  My goal for the HCG diet was to lose 20 pounds.  Then I would be at what doctors call your "ideal weight" for my height.  I dropped 22 pounds in a month.  It was NOT easy.  All I had was 500 calories a day.  I think because it was so difficult for me, that is why 3 years later I have not gained a pound back.  I was really proud f myself for doing it and I was able to cut back on my medication.  However, deep down MY main reason for doing it wasn't for my health.  It was to lose weight and look better.  And even after losing 22 pounds which I thought was all I wanted, I  wanted to lose more.  It was almost like an obsession for me.  I tried to do another round of HCG on my own but my body would not budge from the weight I had gotten to before.  My doctor said when your body reaches its ideal weight, it likes to stay there.  The 2nd round of the diet was just making me weak and moody, so I stopped.  But I still weighed myself almost daily because I refused to gain a single pound over what I was. 

When I got pregnant with Hudson, I had a little anxiety about gaining weight.  I was really, really healthy with my pregnancy with Brian and only gained 15 pounds.  I wanted to be healthy for Hudson, too.  I was a lot more relaxed about what I ate with Hudson and allowed myself to have a lot of treats (sweets) but still only gained about 20 pounds.  After Huddie was born and was so sick, I literally dropped every single pound of baby weight within a week of having him.  I was just sick with worry and hardly ate at all.  I have stayed at that same weight since.  Like I said, my body likes it I guess. Now, most days I don't even think about my weight or the scale, but there are some days when I "feel" fat or get the urge to step on the scale and I have to fight back with the knowledge that my weight isn't who I am.  And that can be so hard sometimes.  It is a process that gets easier as time goes by.

Even though I know that we will probably lose some weight with this new way of eating, for the first time that is NOT what I'm focused on.  And I truly think that is one reason that has made such a difference in the way I've felt.  I would be lying if I said that losing a few pounds wouldn't be great.  But I am not obsessing over the scale anymore.  I am judging my success more on how good I feel.  The weight is just a bonus to me.  For the first time in my life, I am tracking calories to make sure I get enough of what I need instead of as a warning to eat less.  And I like that I can eat whenever I want because I know everything that I put in my mouth is going to be good for me, not something I'll regret later.    I honestly think I can keep this up for a lifetime.  Are there going to be some days every once in a while where we go out to eat with friends and we don't eat so clean? Sure.  Is there going to be a time when Brian wants to make cupcakes and I eat one?  Sure.  Are we going to go on vacation and eat what we want? Sure.  But what is different this time is that it isn't going to be the norm for us.  It will truly be a treat. And not a constant occurrence.

I'm not one to preach at people about their weight or their eating habits.  But if you are looking to feel better, please look into clean eating. Google it if you don't know what it is.  It doesn't have to be changing everything all at once like we did.  It can be that you replace one thing you eat a week.  And it doesn't have to be "The Daniel Plan" you follow.  There are so many free clean eating resources on the web that you could do it without buying any kind of book.  But it will be worth it.  It will completely change the way you look at food and yourself.  The Daniel Plan has helped me connect my physical health with my walk with God and that was the missing link in all my eating endeavors before.  I was doing it for purely selfish, superficial reasons.  This time, I am learning that it is my responsibility as a child of God to take care of my body because it is His temple.  I have not always honored God with my body.  I have not always taken care of it like I should have. And THAT is my motivation this time. With more energy and being healthy, I can be a better mom, wife, daughter and friend. 

A New Way of Eating

As a family, we decided to get healthier this new year.  Not to lose weight (although that is a nice bonus) but just to focus on our health and feel better.  We didn't really eat unhealthy to begin with, but we still had things in our diet that when it came down to it was just junk.  We also liked to eat out on the weekends.  We were pretty good at eating in moderation, but I started looking closely at labels and I was shocked.  A lot of things that you would think are supposed to be healthy really aren't.  For example, Hudson had some organic veggie crackers.  I looked at the ingredients after I started reading Rick Warren's "The Daniel Plan" book and I noticed that those "healthy" crackers had over 15 ingredients in them!  Some I couldn't even pronounce.  I started looking at all our labels and noticed that a lot of things have those kinds of ingredients.  I love to cook and I cook a lot from scratch, but even so, a lot of staple foods can have all that fake stuff if you aren't careful.  Another example is when I went to the store to buy corn tortillas, there was only ONE brand that had corn, lime and water as the ingredients.  Some of them had 10 weird ingredients! I started to really feel strongly about all these additives being bad for me.  Maybe that was contributing to me waking up every morning and still feeling tired. Or having a heavy feeling in my body.  Or all the headaches I have.  I could list more and more- muscle aches, bloating, canker sores.  I know a lot of my health issues were from me following the gluten-free diet I am supposed to be doing very lightly.  And by that, I mean eating something if I wanted it regardless of if it contained gluten or not.  I was very bad about that.  I didn't do it every day, but since I have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease after a biopsy, it is something that I shouldn't do at all.  Wes was on board with changing the way we eat too, so we decided to do it as a family.  I was pretty positive about staying off gluten this time since my entire family was going to do it with me.

Yesterday was our first day.  I had completely cleaned out my pantry and got rid of anything with junk (I was pretty excited that there were only two sacks full of it!).  Another part of the Daniel Plan is eliminating ALL sugar except natural sugar like raw honey or agave.  So out went all my baking supplies except my gluten-free flour.  I am not a doctor, but from what I have read, gluten isn't good for anyone, whether you have celiac disease or not.  So I am excited to get my kids gluten-free too.  We felt really good yesterday; didn't have any intense cravings or hunger, plenty of energy and motivation.  We had cage free scrambled eggs and fruit for breakfast, I made up a chicken fajita bowl for lunch (it was great!) with shredded chicken, black beans, bell peppers, quinoa and brown rice and Mexican seasonings.  For dinner we had thin pork chops with broccoli and mashed potatoes made with the homemade chicken stock that I had from our chicken from lunch.  I made lots of snack baggies of pre-measured almonds, cashews and raisins so if we started to get hungry, we'd have a snack right there.

I am starting to feel the effects of my body letting go of all that junk today.  Last night, I couldn't sleep at all.  I felt jittery.  And today I have felt very foggy and tired.  I know this is just my body's way of handling me getting rid of all the stuff that I have been eating for years and years.  I will be glad when this part is over!!!

Today, I had one serving of steel cut oats with a banana for breakfast.  For a snack I had some roasted almonds.  Lunch, I made guacamole and made my own baked chips with 2 corn tortillas in the oven.  We are having salmon for dinner.  I really haven't been starving yet which is surprising.  I guess it really is true that if you eat the right things, you stay full!

I know a lot of people are doing this plan too or one similar.  A lot of people start the new year off trying to be healthier.  I hope our journey helps!  Please share what you are doing!  It makes it so much easier to do this with others. 

My First Pinterest Post!

I got enough feedback that I'm going to start blogging about some of the things that I try on Pinterest.  I have to say, that although a little addicting, Pinterest has actually made my life a whole lot easier.  If I have pork chops and don't know what to do with them, I look on Pinterest for a recipe.  If I need to get a stain out of a shirt that is 5 years old, I look on Pinterest.  And if I want to plan something fun for Brian to do, again,  Pinterest.  But a lot of times when I pin something, I wonder if it is really as good, easy, and worth doing.  So this is my way of helping others by weeding out the hits and misses.
I will try to remember to label all these posts "Pinterest" just to make it easier to find them in the midst of my other blog posts.  Hope these are helpful!  Any feedback would be appreciated.  I am going to start by reviewing a breakfast and dinner recipe, side, dessert, and household tip.  I will refer to each item by the name of my Pinterest board that you can find it on.  You can find me on Pinterest at jessicapowell81.

Rise and Shine (breakfast foods)

CHEERIOS BREAKFAST COOKIES
I usually make Wes homemade granola bars for him to take to work for his breakfast.  I wanted to try to find something different for him, so I found these Cheerios Breakfast Cookies.  I had all the ingredients in my pantry so I decided to try them.  They were really good, easy and fast.  You could tweak some of the ingredients if you wanted (I used Honey Nut Cheerios instead of\ regular) and you could add in extras like nuts or raisins too.  Wes liked them and they stay soft in an airtight container.  If you are looking for a make-ahead breakfast that you can just grab in a hurry in the morning and will last a few days, this is a good one.

Supper Time (dinner)

BAKED TACOS
This is one of the first recipes I pinned on this board, and it is by far one of my favorites.  I make them at least once a month.  I have tweaked it a little bit for my personal preference from the original recipe.  Instead of mixing my own taco seasoning with the spices listed, I just usually use a packet of my favorite brand of taco seasoning.  Sometimes, I fill the tacos and bake like the recipe says and sometimes I just heat the shells and spoon the mixture in before eating each taco.  We like them both ways.  I have also used steamed corn tortillas with the mixture instead of baking.  Every way I have made these is good.  The key is the taco mixture which makes them delicious.  You could even do these with flour tortillas if you prefer.

On the Side (side items)

BACON WRAPPED GREEN BEAN BUNDLES
This is how I got my 6 year old to love green beans.  Seriously, these are delicious.  I would eat these without anything with them.  What is great is that I have made these with fresh green beans and frozen and they are both delicious.  And I use my Misto with olive oil in it to spray them before baking.  SO GOOD.  Definitely a keeper.

Sweet Treats (desserts)

BANANA PUDDING POKE CAKE
My mother in law makes a jello poke cake and we love it.  So when I came across this, I had to try it.  I actually made it as a Thanksgiving dessert and it was a hit.  It is super easy and the longer it sets in the fridge, the better it tastes.  I would recommend adding the crushed vanilla wafers and banana slices to each individual piece as you cut it to serve, or otherwise you have soggy wafer topping and brown bananas.  You have to try this!!!  It is really easy to make gluten-free too just by using a gluten-free cake mix and gluten-free vanilla wafers.  It is even good without the vanilla wafers!

Home Sweet Home (household tips)

DISH SOAP, VINEGAR CLEANER
I will say that I use nothing else but this now for cleaning my bathtubs, shower, and sinks.  I love it.  It makes everything look so shiny and clean and it is so easy.  The pin suggests putting it into a dish scrubber and I did that and it make it even easier.  Seriously, it works great.  I like that I know what is in my cleaner and that it is super cheap to make. 


If you see anything on my pinterest board that you would like to know if I've tried (I probably have) then leave a comment or facebook me or email me at Jessicampowell81@gmail.com and I will let you know how it was.  Enjoy!