Have there been times in your life when you wanted and prayed so hard for something to happen or change? And it seems like it is just not going to happen? That God has pretty much given you a "no" and you really don't understand why? I have. There have been a few big times in my life that I can remember where I have prayed wholeheartedly for something and just could not understand why it wasn't happening. I couldn't understand why because it seemed like something so good for me or someone I loved and it just didn't make sense why something so good wouldn't happen. Eventually, like me, we usually let go of that dream and move on. Sometimes we will still look back and wonder over time why it never happened for us and other times, God blesses us by actually revealing to us why it didn't happen in the first place. I realized this as I read this verse the other day:
"At the time I have decided, my words will come true.
You can trust what I say about the future.
It may take a long time, but keep on waiting— it will happen!"
Habakkuk 2:3 Contemporary English Version (CEV)
At the very instant I read that verse, I immediately called to mind a circumstance that I was literally miserable over, just knowing in my heart that it had to be right. But God just showed me, "Jessica, see? I had something so much better for you. It didn't happen the way you thought it should or how quickly you wanted it to, but look how wonderful it is!" I really wish that I could remember this every time I get discouraged about the way I feel like something is going in life. God's ways are soooo much better than mine.
This verse also had meaning to me for something that is happening now. As I have mentioned before, Brian had been diagnosed as having a mild speech delay back in July. We had a HORRIBLE experience with so-called "experts" trying to pin a lot of unnecessary things on my child. As a mother it hurt me and shook me up big time. Thankfully, from that point on, God brought wonderful people in to our lives who put all of those nightmares to rest for good. But unfortunately, I couldn't let go completely (as usual for me in a lot of situations) and I just kept worrying and bringing to mind every negative experience we had. What I did was put WAY too much thought into what PEOPLE thought instead of what GOD thought about it. I know that God sent those people into our lives after the bad experience to show me that "I've got this. Don't worry. And don't you worry about Brian. He is mine and I will take care of him." What I (again) failed to see was that God was working in Brian in HIS TIME. How stupid of me to take other people's comments to heart instead of knowing that with our efforts and God, Brian would get through this. How stupid of me to let myself compare my child to every other child I ever saw that could speak a little clearer or do things a little differently than Brian did. If ONLY I had saved myself the heartache and listened:
"At the time I have decided, my words will come true.
You can trust what I say about the future.
It may take a long time, but keep on waiting— it will happen!"
Habakkuk 2:3 Contemporary English Version (CEV)
So here we are, less than 5 months later and my little boy has made so many leaps and bounds that I could not even begin to tell you about them. He has a wonderful Pre-k teacher and assistants, he loves school, and he is happy. God IS taking care of Brian and I am asking His forgiveness for failing to put it completely in His hands and I'm learning to trust Him more. As I look back I can see how He wanted me to just trust in Him completely. I am learning everyday that if I do my job as Brian's mom to the best of my ability that God is going to do the rest. He is God's child first and will always work things out for his good- but in His time. Because His ways are always, always, always better than mine.
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