What Am I Thinking?!

I don't know what is going on with me, but I am terrified of having this baby.  I mean, overwhelmingly nervous.  I have no idea why either.  I mean, this ain't my first rodeo.  The way I have been obsessing over everything, you would think I have never experienced this before.  I try really hard not to think about all of the stuff that comes with delivering a baby, but I keep thinking of all the "bad" stuff.  How I will feel physically after, how tired I will be, how I have NO idea how to manage a 4 year old and a newborn.  I really think part of it is because I have been so tired and so physically uncomfortable and sooo emotional lately that adding those thoughts pushes me over the edge.  I know I will feel better when I am not carrying around baby inside me.  And I know I have a wonderful husband who will help me so much. In fact, he actually said (and I should have recorded this) that as long as Hudson smelled like that baby lotion smell, he would never put him down.  Which means I will be purchasing Johnson & Johnson by the truckloads.  More importantly, I know I will have a beautiful new son to watch and grow with the added bonus of getting to experience my sweet Brian getting to be a big brother for the first time.

This is my biggest problem in life.  My mom calls it "borrowing trouble."  I call it "being stupid."  I worry about silly things just to have something to worry about.  This is seriously my biggest struggle in life.  I have made progress in this (thank you, Lord!) but still have a looooooong way to go.  Wes doesn't get this at all about me because he is totally the opposite.  I hope Hudson takes after him with that.  I reeeeaaaaalllllllly do.

In the meantime, if you think about it, could you please pray for me?  Pray that I will stop this craziness and just leave the whole experience in God's hands and (GASP) maybe actually enjoy it?  I really want to enjoy these last few weeks that I have of being pregnant.  I know I will never again feel a baby moving in my stomach again or feel the aches and pains that come with being 9 months pregnant.  As (un)enjoyable as these moments are, I really do want to remember them.  And I want to be able to be calm and stress free when the fun stuff really starts to happen.  And by fun stuff, I mean labor :)