Honesty

I am sitting here in the doctors office for my 6 week visit since having Hudson and I have to say it is bringing up all kinds of emotions for me. The last time I was here, when I left this place, I had no idea what was about to happen. I had no idea that later that same day I would give birth to my beautiful baby boy. I also had no idea that one of my greatest joys in life would turn into one of my darkest times. After a pretty smooth delivery, we finally had our baby Hudson but quickly began to deal with what seemed like one crisis after another. First, we were dealing with what we thought was just typical jaundice. Then it soon became more seriousq as Hudson's levels grew higher and higher causing him to be on 2 bililights to bring it down and an extra 2 days in the hospital. We could hardly even hold our sweet boy. The levels would go down a bit and then back up. All this happened within 24 hours of his birth so we were told there was something causing this because it typically does not show up that fast. After many tests, our pediatrician figured out that what we were dealing with was probably spherocytosis, a rare blood disorder. Wes had this disorder as a child but we had no idea it was something that could be passed on. We found out it actually has a 50/50 chance of being passed on, so our offs weren't great. That is what caused the high jaundice so soon. I remembered hearing Wes and his mom talk about how he had to heal with this as a child. Your red blood cells are shaped differently with spherocytosis and therefore your spleen attacks them causing sometimes severe anemia. The only treatment for it is to have your spleen removed which doesn't change the shape of the cells but keeps the spleen from destroying them obviously. Wes had his spleen removed at age 9 and has been healthy as a horse ever since. But you have to be at least 5 or 6 now to have it removed. That means the only way to treat it until then is to have blood transfusions as needed. Newborns and babies up to a year are even more likely to have to have multiple transfusions as the body begins stabilizing better with age. I knew this was a possibility but I was hoping Hudson would defy all those odds and not have to have any. Here we are 6 weeks later and he has had two. The ups and downs and all the doctors appointments and blood draws have really taken a toll on me as a mom. I have physically and emotionally worried myself sick at times. It has been difficult for all of us. Watching your baby get stuck and poked with needles once sometimes twice a week is awful. Hearing the word "transfusion" in regards to your 2 week old baby is a nightmare. But even with all the negative emotions we were still able to see the goodness of God. When we went to children's hospital for Hudson's first specialist appointment, the blood disorder doctors are with the children's cancer doctors. We saw little kids with no hair from treatment. We realized how thankful we were that even though we hated what Hudson was having to deal with, we at least knew it was manageable. I have learned so many things through the last 6 weeks. I have experienced every emotion possible. Some very dark and scary where all I could do was get on my knees and cry out to God. He has sustained us with supportive family and friends and answered prayers. We have received so many blessings from others that we could never say thank you enough for. Thank you to each person who prayed for us and sweet Hudson. Thank you to all the people who donate blood on a regular basis so that kids like Hudson have it quickly when they need it. Please don't stop praying for us as we have a long journey ahead.