Monday Mornings...

Well, I survived another weekend without Brian!  I thought it would get easier to let him go for his weekend visits with his dad, but it never really does.  I know, I know- he is only gone for 2 days, but it is just so lonely without him.  Even though it is nice to be able to go out and do things, to get stuff done around the house, and just relax, I miss his sweet smile and infectious laugh.  Some moms in similar situations say it gets easier as your kids get older, and then some (like me) says it doesn't matter- you always miss them.  Everyday, I love him more and more and he becomes more and more of his own person.  So I can't imagine EVER being okay with seeing him go (okay, maybe check back with me during his teenage years!).  Even Lady, our dog, runs to his room all the time while he is gone.  But she understands I am sad and is a very good surrogate child- except this child scratches too much!

Sometimes I wonder if Brian and I will ever be part of a bigger family again.  Will we ever find someone to build our lives with?  Is that in the cards for us?  I have always wanted a family of my own- a mommy and daddy with a love that serves as an example to their children.  I know it has only been a year and a half since the divorce, but sometimes that seems like such an unattainable dream.  I have a lot of hurt that needs to be healed and sometimes I wonder if that is even possible.  I know that if and when the time is right, God will bring the right person into our lives.  I hope that I have to wisdom to recognize that when it happens and seek His guidance in what to do. And as far as having more kids- who knows?  If God wants me to, then I will, but I also know that I have my beautiful baby boy and I will NEVER stop thanking God for that precious gift!

Right now, it is just the two of us- and I content with that :)