Hello, 2015

2014 is over and I've been thinking about the things that stand out to me from the year.  Just like every year of our lives, it had many high points as well as some valleys, too. To me, the purpose of celebrating the new year coming is to look back at the past year and learn something from it.  I don't want my years to be wasted. I don't want to look back on each year I've just finished and not be able to see where I've grown or what I've learned. 

The very first day of 2014, we decided to completely change our eating lifestyle. We started the Daniel Plan which is a clean eating lifestyle and were very successful. It was hard at first, but then became our new normal. Even though as summer rolled around, we allowed ourselves to "cheat" more often (thanks, Disneyworld!) I can honestly say that we have stuck to the basic principles of the plan. I have not had a single drop of soda since the night of December 31, 2013! That is huge to me. I have never gone that long without soda. I seriously never crave it anymore and the thought of it actually makes me nauseous. Weird, I know. Also, there has not been a single bag of sugar of any kind or any white flour in my house in a year. Even when we would cheat by going out to eat and splurging, my cooking and eating habits at home stayed the same. I learned how to change our favorite recipes into clean versions using natural ingredients and I have never gone back. I lost 16 pounds in 2013 and even with me being more relaxed about splurging, especially over the holidays, I have not gained any of it back. We are starting 2014 doing the Daniel Fast alongside our church and will continue on into strictly Daniel Plan territory (aka no splurges) until Spring Break to give our bodies a new start. 

In February, we were blessed enough with our income tax return to pay off our only car debt and plan a trip to DisnegWorld for the summer. We had an amazing 10 days of family time in May there and would love to go again someday.

That summer we also decided to get serious about some extra debt we have. No longer wanting to be a slave to stupid credit card mistakes, we made a plan to pay off all our debt in about 2 years. Wes got a part time job a few days a week and we have already been blessed to pay off a chunk of our debt. It isn't an ideal situation to be away from him at night during the week sometimes, but God blessed him with an opportunity that allows us maximum family time together while also bringing in extra income. Thanks, Dave Ramsey!

 

Probably the biggest highlight of the year for us was Brian realizing his need for  Jesus as his Savior. That is a parent's greatest desire for their children and I got to lead him in prayer myself. What a wonderful experience as a mom that was!

There are countless other small moments of praise that I could tell about where we had a blessed year. In the everyday life, we see an overflow of God's love and blessings on a daily basis.

We also experienced some dark times, too. I lost a few friendships that left me feeling blindsided and betrayed. When you try to be a true friend and be there for he people you care about and they disregard that and leave you behind, it can be devastating. I would like to say I'm completely over it but I am still working on it. One thing I've learned from all of it is that you can forgive someone, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to allow them back in your life. Sometimes God means for us to move on from relationships that aren't good for  us. It's really hard when this happens and it affects your entire family, too. Even your children. But God has a reason! He also brought our family some new, deeper friendships that I am so thankful for. People that pour into our lives and our kids. I feel like for the first time in my adult life I have people I can call "true friends."

Wes and I started serving as Host Team leaders at our church in early spring and it changed our lives. Serving has become not a duty to us but something we feel privileged to do. We have met some wonderful people who we have gotten to know and love so much. We love our church and our so happy to be there.

The darkest moment of the year came in early November when my family lost my cousin Blaine. It was unexpected and to say devestating would be an understatement. You are never prepared to lose someone, but tragically and at such a young 26 years old shook me up. I still don't understand it and may never this side of Heaven. But I keep telling myself that God knows what happens and that is all that truly matters. I have to find peace in that. And also trust that he will heal our family from it. Especially Blaine's precious mom. I wear a blue bracelet on my right wrist every single day with his initials and not a single day goes by that I don't miss him and think of his beautiful smile.

Our pastor has encouraged us in the past to choose one word to focus on in the new year. Just one word. This is my first time to do it myself. My word for 2015 is NEW. A reminder that my old life is gone and I have a new life in Jesus. A reminder that each upcoming day is a new day for me to grow into something bigger than I think I could. New opportunities, new relationships, new experiences, new ways to grow as a person and with my family.

Happy New Year!

The Pursuit of Friendship

Do you ever really think about how every thing you do or say affects another person? You might not think your actions directly affect someone but that's not always true. There is always someone watching you, listening to you because you have a bigger influence on their life than you are even aware of. You have the ability to build up or break down another person. Don't take that lightly. Is getting ahead in this world more important than losing your integrity or is it worth the cost of losing a relationship? We have no way of knowing how a person internalizes things. We have no idea what pain or hurt a person may be hiding from us. And we have no idea how we may have contributed to that hurt. 

I would rather have one close, true friend than a hundred friends that don't truly care. I would rather have one friend that when they say "I'll pray for you" they really truly mean they will pray for you. I'd rather have one friend who makes their presence known everyday so you never forget they care. Who takes the time to call you and text you on a daily basis so you know you are loved. As I've gotten older, I appreciate that kind of person more. But I've also found that those people are extremely rare. Over the last year I've come to realize that people I thought were those kind of friends really weren't at all. I can be completely transparent and say that I literally only have one friend in my life right now who is truly there for me. I'm so grateful for that friendship and that friendship is a new one that has only bloomed over the past few months. But I know it was orchestrated by God. Life is too hard and too short to waste your precious time trying to get people to like you. If they don't like you, if they aren't willing to bear all the responsibilities that being a friend entails, then they aren't worth pursuing. Don't stop loving, always forgive, but only pursue those who really want you to pursue them.

A beautiful life

My entire life I have always known how blessed I am in the family department. Life is full of dysfunctional relationships and although not a single one of us is perfect by any means, I always knew our family was different because no matter what happens, we truly love each other. It doesn't matter what is going on in your life, you always know that you will always have everyone on your side supporting you through whatever life slams you with. They have always been there through good and bad and I have always felt more blessed than most because all of my memories of my family are beautiful ones. Especially in a day where deep love and connection is rare in lots of family units. And even though there are those i don't see or talk to as much as I'd like, it in no way weakens my love for them. So when I found out that my cousin Blaine had gone to be with Jesus this weekend, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

When I first found out I was going to have a boy (Brian) I kinda panicked. I had never been around boys and being nervous and feeling unqualified to raise one was an understatement. I looked at the people around me who had raised boys for inspiration and guidance and one person stood out to me more than anyone. My cousin Sheila. She has 2 beautiful, amazing sons that anyone would love for their own boys to grow up to be just like. But even more than that is that I hoped and prayed that when my boy (now boys) grew up I would have the kind of relationship with them that Sheila had with her boys. Whenever they were around, there was never a doubt that those boys loved their mama and vice versa. I always thought "I hope my boys grow up to love me as much as Sheila's boys love her." She is my role model of a mother-son relationship. And she helped raise two exceptional men.

One of those young men she raised is Blaine. I couldn't begin to write about all my memories of him growing up. But the ones I hold dearest to my heart happened in the last few years. Before I tell them, you have to know a little about Blaine. He is such a handsome guy. His smile was so big and beautiful that seeing it, you couldn't help but smile yourself. His laugh is one of the most infectious laughs I have ever heard. And he was so funny. I loved hearing him tell a story. I always felt pretty attached to him too because until him, I had been the only redhead in the family :)

I wasn't the only one attached to him. Brian thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. One time when we all went out to eat, Brian was stuck to him like glue. Had to sit by him- right up next to him. When he needed to go to he bathroom, he insisted he wanted Blaine to take him. Blaine happily agreed and I remember saying, "Blaine, you're making a mistake! He's never going to leave you alone now!" But he just smiled his killer smile and said he didn't mind. And I knew he didn't.

When Brian first started playing t-ball he was so excited. Sheila came to one of his first games but Blaine had just moved out of state to start a new job. But that didn't stop him from showing his love and support for Brian. Sheila showed us a video on her phone that he had recorded for Brian wishing him luck and telling him how much he wished he could be there to see him play. And let me tell you, after watching it, you couldn't slap the smile off Brian's face.

Brian also suckered Blaine into playing the memory game once. It wasn't enough to just get a match. Brian insisted that Blaine sing a silly song that he had made up if he got a match, too. So there is Blaine, sitting on the floor singing and dancing "I got a match! I got a match! I got a match!" Just because he knew Brian wanted him too.

As for me, I always think about the hugs he gave. One of those hugs that made you feel truly loved and like he really wanted to hug you. A big bear hug. And when you pulled back, you always saw that big, beautiful smile. 

Life is hard. It's ugly sometimes. It hurts and it stresses you out and brings you down. Having a family like mine makes me so thankful for each and every one of them and what they mean to me. Thank you, Jesus, for a family with a love that's big enough to carry each other through the ugliness of life. Don't ever forget to let the people you love know just how much you love them.

 

But more than that, thank you, Jesus, for being the reason for that love. Thank you for blessing us with our family and for blessing us with 26 years with precious Blaine and the difference he made in my life.  

This world will let you down. People will let you down. You will let yourself down. But Jesus will NEVER let you down. He can pick up the pieces of a broken mess and make it into something so beautiful. I know the thought of life without Blaine in our family here on earth is unthinkable, but I also know that God tells us in his word that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Bitterness

This week has been rough, to say the least. I have been hurt by people who I thought were real friends. The truth is, as much as you want some people in your life, sometimes it's okay for them not to be. If they make you feel inferior or unloved or not important, then I think it's okay to stop pursuing that relationship. If their behavior makes you question their character, then no matter how much time you've invested in the relationship, I think it's okay to let it go. I don't think it's okay or God-honoring, however, to harbor hurt feelings or anger towards the people who have broken trust in a relationship. God says we are to forgive and that is what we have to do. Not just because of the other person, but for our own good. Even if we feel the person isn't worthy of our forgiveness, we have to remember that none of us are worthy of ANY forgiveness. But not forgiving and letting that hurt grow deeper and deeper isn't any different than having a physical wound left untreated. Over time, it gets worse until it becomes infected and even harder to treat. Bitterness does that too and in an even more harmful way. It's okay to be angry. Even Jesus got angry at injustices. But it's not okay to let that anger make you bitter. Bitterness is hard to get rid of- been there done that, unfortunately more times than I can count. 

Right now it seems like I don't know how I'll ever get over the hurt. I think it's a process just like anything else. I'm choosing to look at this as God's way of protecting my heart from getting hurt again by the same person who has hurt me before. And it also gives me an opportunity to be extra thankful for the trustworthy friends that God has put in my life. 

Love

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love 

I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God's word with power, revealing all of His mysteries and making everything as plain as day, and if I have faith to say to a mountain jump and it jumps but I don't love, I'm nothing. 

If I give all I earn to the poor or even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love I've gotten nowhere. 

So, no matter what I say, 

no matter what I believe, 

no matter what I do, 

I'm bankrupt 

without love.

I love the song this comes from (and the scripture). It is not just a beautiful melody but it's convicting. It makes you come face to face with the hard truth that everything is meaningless without love. My life cannot be used by God unless I love. Even though I will never be able to match it, my desire should always be to strive towards loving like Christ loves me. Unconditionally. Without being earned. Even when it hurts. Without question. No matter what. Do I always do that? No way. But my heart wants to love like that so much. I wish I could snap my fingers and make my life completely like Jesus. Love others like He did, sacrifice like He did, die to self like He did. But I guess that's what is beautiful about God's plan. Me wanting that and God changing my heart and life to be more like His Son's.

So next time I am inclined to get annoyed when I have to "go out of my way" to do something for another, I hope I remember to do it in love instead. When I feel at my wits end with exhaustion from chasing my boys around and doing things for them that they can't do for themselves, I hope I remember to do have an attitude of love. When I am so angry at another person for hurting me, I hope that I will remember that I have hurt others too and love them despite that. 

Lord, let my life be the proof of Your love.

Little by Little

Today while reading my bible, something stood out to me that I've never really thought about before. It is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that my life brings glory to God. Most of the time, I still see myself as a dirty, failing sinner who is nowhere where I want to be, instead of looking at all the ways that God has changed me already. That is what brings glory to him. Not anything that I have done myself but how God has slowly changed me by changing my heart and changing my mind. Sometimes I am so focused on my sinfulness that I fail to recognize the freedom that comes with knowing Christ. I shouldn't feel constantly  weighted down my by sinful nature (although I should always want to be mindful of my sin) but thankful that I am not defined by that sinful nature anymore. I am not trapped by it; I am set free by Christ. And there is no condemnation. So even when I feel like I am failing in becoming more like Jesus, all I have to do is look back on the way my life used to be before God started to really change me. Doing that always makes me realize that God is working in me every day, even if I don't always feel like I'm being changed. Little by little, God is making me more like Jesus. But when you look at the past, it is easier to see how far God has brought you. I can't even count how many times I have remembered the way I behaved and thought in the past and thought "Thank you, Lord, that I am not who I used to be!" And that is how my life brings glory to God. Because others can see the transformation in me in different areas and they will know that is from God's work and nothing of my own effort. I guess until today I could see where so many others' lives bring glory to God but never considered that my own could. Just another way that my small thinking as a human has limited the glory that He deserves for changing me in so many ways. There are many ways that God has changed me that others can see but even more ways that He has changed me that only He and I may ever know. He really does change you from the inside out- from the way you think, feel, how you pray and how you view life and other people. I know that I can bring even more glory to Him by truthfully looking at my life and admitting where I need Him to make me more like Jesus. 

Heavy Loads

Today is one of those days when I woke up feeling like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I just feel "off" inside today. Outside I feel tired. I am so thankful for my life and the people I get to share it with. But some days the negativity of life just gets to me. People get to me. I wish so much that I was one of those people who can just roll with the punches and not allow anyone to affect me. But unfortunately, that is another struggle of mine. I always seem to put so much faith in people and it always feel like a punch in the gut when I feel let down by them. Are there any more genuine people in the world? People that will let you see the real them and love you for the real you in return? Sometimes everything and everyone seems so fake.  People are willing to say anything about you just to have something to talk about. Why do they do that? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Is it a response to their own unhappiness? I would rather have zero friends than friends who aren't really friends at all. I would rather fight a physical battle than for someone to twist my words and say untrue things about me.  What do people gain from hurting others? Is it worth the damage they cause to someone's heart just to be able to sit down and have something juicy to gossip about? Do they think if they make others look bad that they will somehow look better? Is it worse to have people you don't know talk bad about you or people who you thought really knew you say those things?

I know there will be struggles in this life, Lord. You said that in the bible. And more than not, I feel strong enough to handle the struggles that life slings. But there are days when i just get sad. Sad that in this world there are so many people I would claim as "friends" who really don't fit the description when it comes down to it. 

Please forgive me for the times in the past when I have been quick to judge another person before I have taken the time to get to know them and their journey. Most of the time what I was inclined to think about them is the furthest thing from the truth. I would rather be remembered for loving people through their mistakes and failures instead of having a good seat at the latest table of gossip.

Parking Lot Prayers

A few weeks ago, I was taking Brian to Konnect at our church on a Wednesday night.  This is the first year he has been old enough to attend Wednesday night activities (you have to been in 1st grade). He has been going since the first week of school in August and loves it. He gets excited every week when Wednesday rolls around and comes home talking non-stop about everything he has learned. This Wednesday was no different. I loaded the boys into the car and hoped that we would get there on time since Hudson's new thing is to take 10 minutes just to get out the door. We were at the intersection at a red light right before pulling in and Brian says out of the blue, "Mom? I haven't been baptized yet." 

I told him that was true and then asked him what being baptized meant. I wanted to see if he really knew or just thought it looked fun to get dunked in some water at church. His reply amazed me. "It's what you do to show people that Jesus lives in your heart and forgives you of your sins. I haven't done that either, Mama."

I just sat there for a second trying to figure out how I should respond. Does he really understand? Is he too young? All these questions popped up that I didn't know how to answer. Then I thought about how Jesus taught that we are to have faith like a child. The kind of faith that, to me, means not "over-thinking" or carefully considering things first. It means jumping all in and believing wholeheartedly. I also remembered my mom telling me how when I was exactly Brian's age, I had come home from church one Sunday night and told her I had asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins  and to take control of my life. She told me how she had the same kinds of thoughts about me being so young. She even talked to our pastor about her concerns. He told her that it is not our place to determine what is the right age or not for God to move in someone's heart. Only God knows. I know many, many seeds had been planted in Brian's little heart and that as his mother it was my job to just trust God when it was His time to make those seeds bloom. Brian is always so full of questions when we read the bible each night and after we go to church that I knew things had been stirring in his heart for a while.

As we pulled ino the parking lot, I asked Brian if he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart and to forgive him of his sins. He enthusiastically replied "yes!" So I told him when we parked that he could come get in the front seat with me and I would pray with him. 

I was pretty nervous, I'll admit. I had never prayed with someone to receive Jesus before, not to mention this was my precious little boy whom I had been praying for this to happen. I wanted to make sure that my words were clear. So I just decided to pray from my heart the words that I pray again and again. There is something beautiful about praying for Jesus to change your life and forgive you from your sins over and over. It's a reminder to me to always be thankful for that moment 26 years ago when I asked Jesus into my heart to forgive me. 

When we were about to say amen, I peeked to look at Brian's face. He was holding my hands and squeezing his eyes shut tight in great concentration. I have never seen a bigger smile than the one he had on his face. He said he couldn't wait to tell his church teachers that he had just asked Jesus into his heart. I have never had a prouder moment as a mom. I thought of the times I had prayed that Brian would find Jesus at an early age and really, truly understand God's love for us. I always pray that he doesn't make the same mistakes I have made in my life and that he always holds tight to his faith no matter what. 

My little boy is now my brother in Christ. Wow. 

 

Getting Even

As I'm continuing to think about the different struggles I'm facing right now in my life, I realize that I often feel the desire to take things into my own hands and get even with people who have hurt me or someone I love.

I don't mean get even by physically harming them or anything like that. What it usually means to me is thinking of things that I could say to them that would make them feel as bad as they've made me feel. Words sting. And sometimes it is so tempting to sting back. There is something about needing a quick reponse back that my human nature wants a lot of the time.  How satisfying, it seems, if I could post a Facebook status about them. Or tell as many people as I can how horrible this person is and how I've been so wronged. And how easy is doing that these days? With texting and the internet, getting even would be just a couple of clicks away.

To be completely honest, I have felt this way more than I would like to admit over the past few months. I know this is not what God wants from me. My heart knows that but my head still wants word

revenge. So I've started a new bible reading plan about working through anger to help me learn exactly what God says about anger and what I can do about it. I don't want to be consistently angry or bitter or hurt because of someone who is probably angry, bitter and hurt themselves. And I know it is the opposite of how God wants me to be. 

I read tonight that it is not my place to punish someone else for doing wrong- even if it is directed towards me. I also read that I shouldn't let myself get so angry that it causes me to want to do evil- you know, get even. It's not my place. It's God's. Letting someone else's actions or words stir up bitterness and anger in my heart is probably exactly what they wanted to happen. And it just causes a greater hurt to me than the words or actions caused in the first place. It causes me to pull away from God and dwell on my situation and my anger.  Sometimes I feel like not allowing myself to get angry shows that I am not acknowledging the hurt that was caused to me or even more so to someone I love. But that isn't a true feeling. It's okay to feel anger over something being wrong, it's just not okay to let it fester and build into bitterness that takes over your heart. I don't want bitterness to take root so deep in my heart that I can't feel or see anything else. 

God, forgive me for the times when I want to take over your job and do the punishing I feel like is deserved. Help me to offer the same grace and forgiveness to the people that hurt me that you have offered to me, even if it is difficult at first. Even when it doesn't feel good.  I know that if I am obedient to you that my feelings will follow. 

The Final Frontier

Well, today is the last day of the detox part of the Daniel Plan way of eating we've started.  For 10 days now, we've had no sugar at all except for the natural sugar in our fruit, nothing processed, no dairy, and no wheat or gluten of any kind.  If I am being totally honest, I will admit that the first 2 days were hard for me.  I think it was more of a mental thing.  I would cringe when I would see a McDonald's commercial because I wanted it and I NEVER eat at McDonald's!!!  I think it was the whole "you want what you can't have" mentality.  I prayed a lot that God would give me HIS strength to do this because I really, truly wanted to make this lifestyle change.  My mom and one of her sisters have been having some scary heart issues lately and have been doing all kinds of tests and seeing a cardiologist. While some of the stuff is hereditary, I knew that really paying attention to everything that goes into my body would help me avoid a lot of health issues down the road.  This was our main motivation in doing this: to feel better and be healthier.  It is also really important for us to instill this way of living in Brian and Hudson.

So here I am.  10 days into this new life and completely detoxed :)  I feel great.  I used to wake up every morning with a sort of "heaviness"- mental, physical and emotional.  That is really the only way I know how to explain it.  I would be more tired and less motivated some days when I woke up than when I went to bed.  I hated it.  I have always tried to cook really healthy, but I never really looked into every single thing that we consumed.  And when I learned how to do that, it was pretty scary to me.  Over the past 10 days, I have had quite a few symptoms from detoxing; insomnia, aching, headaches.  But then around day 5 I started feeling a way that I hadn't felt in years- clear- headed, energized, rested. My skin was softer and the swelling I have a lot in my legs was gone, too. Anything that I thought was difficult about this has been 100% worth it.  Even though the detox is over, this plan is going to keep going the way it has with the exception of getting to have some dairy (natural cheese, yogurt) and natural sugar (honey, agave, coconut sugar).  I am more than ready to add those things in occasionally.  Oh, cheese, how I've missed you!

Now I'm really going to get honest. The one thing that has made this different for me is that my main motivation for doing this has not been to lose weight.  For my entire adult life, I have struggled a lot with body image.  I can't tell you where it came from or exactly when it started, but it has been something that I have to actively fight all the time.  I know of things that have contributed to me feeling this way, but not why it caused it to become such a focus for me.  I have always been so negative about my physical appearance.  It is like I see a completely different version of myself when I look in the mirror.  It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized that if I don't have my mom or Wes around when I buy clothes, I will always buy everything one or two sizes bigger than I actually am because I truly think that is what size I need.  I still try to do that sometimes and Wes calls me out on it.  I always would think "if I could lose just 20 pounds, I would be completely happy with my weight."  But that wasn't really true.

Back in late 2010, I went on the HCG diet under direction of my doctor.  While I wasn't really a lot over my healthy weight, my doctor thought it would reset my system and help me to lose the weight that I had been trying to on my own.  He also thought it might allow me to reduce my blood pressure medication.  I have had extremely high blood pressure since age 22.  I have done every test possible to find the cause and they were all inconclusive.  My goal for the HCG diet was to lose 20 pounds.  Then I would be at what doctors call your "ideal weight" for my height.  I dropped 22 pounds in a month.  It was NOT easy.  All I had was 500 calories a day.  I think because it was so difficult for me, that is why 3 years later I have not gained a pound back.  I was really proud f myself for doing it and I was able to cut back on my medication.  However, deep down MY main reason for doing it wasn't for my health.  It was to lose weight and look better.  And even after losing 22 pounds which I thought was all I wanted, I  wanted to lose more.  It was almost like an obsession for me.  I tried to do another round of HCG on my own but my body would not budge from the weight I had gotten to before.  My doctor said when your body reaches its ideal weight, it likes to stay there.  The 2nd round of the diet was just making me weak and moody, so I stopped.  But I still weighed myself almost daily because I refused to gain a single pound over what I was. 

When I got pregnant with Hudson, I had a little anxiety about gaining weight.  I was really, really healthy with my pregnancy with Brian and only gained 15 pounds.  I wanted to be healthy for Hudson, too.  I was a lot more relaxed about what I ate with Hudson and allowed myself to have a lot of treats (sweets) but still only gained about 20 pounds.  After Huddie was born and was so sick, I literally dropped every single pound of baby weight within a week of having him.  I was just sick with worry and hardly ate at all.  I have stayed at that same weight since.  Like I said, my body likes it I guess. Now, most days I don't even think about my weight or the scale, but there are some days when I "feel" fat or get the urge to step on the scale and I have to fight back with the knowledge that my weight isn't who I am.  And that can be so hard sometimes.  It is a process that gets easier as time goes by.

Even though I know that we will probably lose some weight with this new way of eating, for the first time that is NOT what I'm focused on.  And I truly think that is one reason that has made such a difference in the way I've felt.  I would be lying if I said that losing a few pounds wouldn't be great.  But I am not obsessing over the scale anymore.  I am judging my success more on how good I feel.  The weight is just a bonus to me.  For the first time in my life, I am tracking calories to make sure I get enough of what I need instead of as a warning to eat less.  And I like that I can eat whenever I want because I know everything that I put in my mouth is going to be good for me, not something I'll regret later.    I honestly think I can keep this up for a lifetime.  Are there going to be some days every once in a while where we go out to eat with friends and we don't eat so clean? Sure.  Is there going to be a time when Brian wants to make cupcakes and I eat one?  Sure.  Are we going to go on vacation and eat what we want? Sure.  But what is different this time is that it isn't going to be the norm for us.  It will truly be a treat. And not a constant occurrence.

I'm not one to preach at people about their weight or their eating habits.  But if you are looking to feel better, please look into clean eating. Google it if you don't know what it is.  It doesn't have to be changing everything all at once like we did.  It can be that you replace one thing you eat a week.  And it doesn't have to be "The Daniel Plan" you follow.  There are so many free clean eating resources on the web that you could do it without buying any kind of book.  But it will be worth it.  It will completely change the way you look at food and yourself.  The Daniel Plan has helped me connect my physical health with my walk with God and that was the missing link in all my eating endeavors before.  I was doing it for purely selfish, superficial reasons.  This time, I am learning that it is my responsibility as a child of God to take care of my body because it is His temple.  I have not always honored God with my body.  I have not always taken care of it like I should have. And THAT is my motivation this time. With more energy and being healthy, I can be a better mom, wife, daughter and friend. 

A New Way of Eating

As a family, we decided to get healthier this new year.  Not to lose weight (although that is a nice bonus) but just to focus on our health and feel better.  We didn't really eat unhealthy to begin with, but we still had things in our diet that when it came down to it was just junk.  We also liked to eat out on the weekends.  We were pretty good at eating in moderation, but I started looking closely at labels and I was shocked.  A lot of things that you would think are supposed to be healthy really aren't.  For example, Hudson had some organic veggie crackers.  I looked at the ingredients after I started reading Rick Warren's "The Daniel Plan" book and I noticed that those "healthy" crackers had over 15 ingredients in them!  Some I couldn't even pronounce.  I started looking at all our labels and noticed that a lot of things have those kinds of ingredients.  I love to cook and I cook a lot from scratch, but even so, a lot of staple foods can have all that fake stuff if you aren't careful.  Another example is when I went to the store to buy corn tortillas, there was only ONE brand that had corn, lime and water as the ingredients.  Some of them had 10 weird ingredients! I started to really feel strongly about all these additives being bad for me.  Maybe that was contributing to me waking up every morning and still feeling tired. Or having a heavy feeling in my body.  Or all the headaches I have.  I could list more and more- muscle aches, bloating, canker sores.  I know a lot of my health issues were from me following the gluten-free diet I am supposed to be doing very lightly.  And by that, I mean eating something if I wanted it regardless of if it contained gluten or not.  I was very bad about that.  I didn't do it every day, but since I have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease after a biopsy, it is something that I shouldn't do at all.  Wes was on board with changing the way we eat too, so we decided to do it as a family.  I was pretty positive about staying off gluten this time since my entire family was going to do it with me.

Yesterday was our first day.  I had completely cleaned out my pantry and got rid of anything with junk (I was pretty excited that there were only two sacks full of it!).  Another part of the Daniel Plan is eliminating ALL sugar except natural sugar like raw honey or agave.  So out went all my baking supplies except my gluten-free flour.  I am not a doctor, but from what I have read, gluten isn't good for anyone, whether you have celiac disease or not.  So I am excited to get my kids gluten-free too.  We felt really good yesterday; didn't have any intense cravings or hunger, plenty of energy and motivation.  We had cage free scrambled eggs and fruit for breakfast, I made up a chicken fajita bowl for lunch (it was great!) with shredded chicken, black beans, bell peppers, quinoa and brown rice and Mexican seasonings.  For dinner we had thin pork chops with broccoli and mashed potatoes made with the homemade chicken stock that I had from our chicken from lunch.  I made lots of snack baggies of pre-measured almonds, cashews and raisins so if we started to get hungry, we'd have a snack right there.

I am starting to feel the effects of my body letting go of all that junk today.  Last night, I couldn't sleep at all.  I felt jittery.  And today I have felt very foggy and tired.  I know this is just my body's way of handling me getting rid of all the stuff that I have been eating for years and years.  I will be glad when this part is over!!!

Today, I had one serving of steel cut oats with a banana for breakfast.  For a snack I had some roasted almonds.  Lunch, I made guacamole and made my own baked chips with 2 corn tortillas in the oven.  We are having salmon for dinner.  I really haven't been starving yet which is surprising.  I guess it really is true that if you eat the right things, you stay full!

I know a lot of people are doing this plan too or one similar.  A lot of people start the new year off trying to be healthier.  I hope our journey helps!  Please share what you are doing!  It makes it so much easier to do this with others. 

My First Pinterest Post!

I got enough feedback that I'm going to start blogging about some of the things that I try on Pinterest.  I have to say, that although a little addicting, Pinterest has actually made my life a whole lot easier.  If I have pork chops and don't know what to do with them, I look on Pinterest for a recipe.  If I need to get a stain out of a shirt that is 5 years old, I look on Pinterest.  And if I want to plan something fun for Brian to do, again,  Pinterest.  But a lot of times when I pin something, I wonder if it is really as good, easy, and worth doing.  So this is my way of helping others by weeding out the hits and misses.
I will try to remember to label all these posts "Pinterest" just to make it easier to find them in the midst of my other blog posts.  Hope these are helpful!  Any feedback would be appreciated.  I am going to start by reviewing a breakfast and dinner recipe, side, dessert, and household tip.  I will refer to each item by the name of my Pinterest board that you can find it on.  You can find me on Pinterest at jessicapowell81.

Rise and Shine (breakfast foods)

CHEERIOS BREAKFAST COOKIES
I usually make Wes homemade granola bars for him to take to work for his breakfast.  I wanted to try to find something different for him, so I found these Cheerios Breakfast Cookies.  I had all the ingredients in my pantry so I decided to try them.  They were really good, easy and fast.  You could tweak some of the ingredients if you wanted (I used Honey Nut Cheerios instead of\ regular) and you could add in extras like nuts or raisins too.  Wes liked them and they stay soft in an airtight container.  If you are looking for a make-ahead breakfast that you can just grab in a hurry in the morning and will last a few days, this is a good one.

Supper Time (dinner)

BAKED TACOS
This is one of the first recipes I pinned on this board, and it is by far one of my favorites.  I make them at least once a month.  I have tweaked it a little bit for my personal preference from the original recipe.  Instead of mixing my own taco seasoning with the spices listed, I just usually use a packet of my favorite brand of taco seasoning.  Sometimes, I fill the tacos and bake like the recipe says and sometimes I just heat the shells and spoon the mixture in before eating each taco.  We like them both ways.  I have also used steamed corn tortillas with the mixture instead of baking.  Every way I have made these is good.  The key is the taco mixture which makes them delicious.  You could even do these with flour tortillas if you prefer.

On the Side (side items)

BACON WRAPPED GREEN BEAN BUNDLES
This is how I got my 6 year old to love green beans.  Seriously, these are delicious.  I would eat these without anything with them.  What is great is that I have made these with fresh green beans and frozen and they are both delicious.  And I use my Misto with olive oil in it to spray them before baking.  SO GOOD.  Definitely a keeper.

Sweet Treats (desserts)

BANANA PUDDING POKE CAKE
My mother in law makes a jello poke cake and we love it.  So when I came across this, I had to try it.  I actually made it as a Thanksgiving dessert and it was a hit.  It is super easy and the longer it sets in the fridge, the better it tastes.  I would recommend adding the crushed vanilla wafers and banana slices to each individual piece as you cut it to serve, or otherwise you have soggy wafer topping and brown bananas.  You have to try this!!!  It is really easy to make gluten-free too just by using a gluten-free cake mix and gluten-free vanilla wafers.  It is even good without the vanilla wafers!

Home Sweet Home (household tips)

DISH SOAP, VINEGAR CLEANER
I will say that I use nothing else but this now for cleaning my bathtubs, shower, and sinks.  I love it.  It makes everything look so shiny and clean and it is so easy.  The pin suggests putting it into a dish scrubber and I did that and it make it even easier.  Seriously, it works great.  I like that I know what is in my cleaner and that it is super cheap to make. 


If you see anything on my pinterest board that you would like to know if I've tried (I probably have) then leave a comment or facebook me or email me at Jessicampowell81@gmail.com and I will let you know how it was.  Enjoy!

I hope this is the only post you ever read of mine

I usually do not post things like that post that I am about to write on my blog.  Usually, my blog is to keep everyone update on what's going on with our family or to share things that I am learning in my life.  But I feel like this post is something that is really important to share and that maybe someone in Blogland needs to hear it.

If there is one thing that I can say about my life is that I have been through many changes.  Good things, bad things, hard things, happy things.  But the one thing I can say is that nothing in my life would have ANY value without Jesus.  I've tried doing life without giving much regard to God.  I went through a time when I thought I was doing okay on my own.  I have never turned my back on Him, but have put him last on my priority list.  Folks, let me tell you something.  You cannot compare life without Jesus to life with Him. And I'm not talking about going to church most of the time or saying you're a Christian when someone asks you, I'm talking about life WITH Him. Having a relationship with Him.  Making Him a priority.  Reading His word.  Talking to Him.  I look back at my life and the times when I distanced myself from God and it literally makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.  I know if a day goes by now that I am too "wrapped up" in something that seems important that it causes me not to spend time with him, I feel lonely.  I feel a longing inside to be with Him.  And that drives me to spend time with Him everyday.  I know what it is like to try to find happiness in this world.  Through other people, through your job, through having nice things.  It still all leaves you feeling unfulfilled.  There is still always something missing.  Because there is not a single person in this world that can fill the void in your heart and soul that is meant for Jesus.  I promise you.  People will always let you down.  This world will always let you down.  He will NEVER let you down.  Although I chose to follow Jesus when I was a child, I am at a point in my life where I have never felt closer to Him.  And it has changed my perspective on things that I never really gave much thought to before.  It makes me view the world differently.  Our world seems so broken now.  I look at people who are in the same places I have been before and just want to tell them to stop fighting the one thing that will change their life forever.  They don't have to keep feeling let down, or discouraged, or disappointed.  All you have to do is reach out to Him because His hand is ALWAYS extended to you.  And its not about raising your hand at church or following strict rules or giving up things.  I think that is a huge misconception about God.  That following Him means giving up things.  Things that you enjoy.  But I am here to tell you that when you choose to completely give your life to Him, you will find how those things you "loved" pale in comparison to what He gives you.  You WANT to do things for Him.  He doesn't make you.  You CHOOSE to give up things because He is changing your heart.  There is so much freedom in knowing that He loves you so much just the way you are- dirty, broken, sinful - that He would still send His son to die for you.  It isn't something you have to earn or spend your life "paying Him back" for what He has done for you.  It is just grace.  I spent a lot of my life thinking I had to live a certain way to deserve the gift of salvation but that couldn't be further from the truth.  And there are still times when I get discouraged about parts of my life that I wish were different.  But then I look back at the way God has changed my heart and life and I can see that He is changing me into being more like Jesus.  And I am so thankful for that.  I am so thankful that I don't have to be who I was but that I can become who He is.

So please, stop looking.  Stop trying so hard to please people.  Stop trying so hard to find happiness on your own.  This world cannot offer you any of that.  But God can offer you everything.  He will never leave you.  He is always there.  That doesn't mean that your life will magically change and you will never have a care in the world.  It means that when life is hard, He will be there to carry you.  He will help you overcome it.  He will lead you through it.  So if you haven't met Jesus yet, do it.  Just reach out to Him.  I promise you it will be the best thing you will ever do.  Go to Him dirty- He will clean you up.  Go to Him broken- He will put you back together in a new way. 

When I think about how unworthy I am in the eyes of God, I remember that when God looks at me, He sees Jesus.  And because of that I am loved completely.

Don't waste another second.

A Letter to Brian on His First Day of Kindergarten

On the night before your first day of kindergarten, Brian, I thought I would put together a little list of helpful advice.  I know that it will be many, many years before you will probably ever think of your mama as "wise" but I promise you that the advice I am going to give you is from my heart.  And writing this post is probably more like therapy for me, anyway.  I am not gonna lie- I am having a hard time knowing you are growing up.  You will understand one day.  So here are 5 tips for your first big year of school:


Tip #1 - Always smile at your teacher when you walk through the door every morning.  Teachers are people too (yes, really) and sometimes they get sad, angry or sick.  Just like you.  A smile on the face of their students can sometimes turn their entire day around and pick them up.  Just like that.  I know, because I used to be a teacher myself.  I know you have heard me say many times about how I used to teach when you were still in my tummy (Math was your favorite subject then.  Well, you sure moved around the most when I would teach math.  So even if you think you hate it now, just remember that it used to be your favorite).   And giving your teacher a hug every now and again, just because, can also do wonders.  It reminds them of how special they are and how what they do everyday makes such a big difference, even if it doesn't always feel that way.

Tip #2 - Be friends with everyone.  I think this will be really easy for you because you have always been this way since you were a little guy, but I just wanted to remind you anyway.  Always be willing to help someone, even if you don't really want to.  Never forget to include someone when you are playing.  Someday, you might be the one who gets left out and it doesn't feel good.  Always be polite- that will go a long way. Share.  Play something you might not like.  Let someone else have their turn before you.  Don't make fun of others or join along because someone else is.  It might be hard sometimes, but  I promise you that Jesus will help you do these things if you just ask Him.  Don't be friends with someone just because of how they look on the outside.  Get to know them and see what is on the inside first.  Most importantly, always be yourself around others because they won't be able to stay away from you if you do.  Trust me, you are the coolest kid I know and I always want to be around you.

Tip #3 - Don't forget your manners.  Always say "please" and "thank you" and "yes, ma'am" and "yes, sir."  Always open the door for girls.  Compliment your teacher.  Tell someone they did a good job.  Clap for someone when they succeed at something.  Be an encourager.

Tip #4 - Eat all of your lunch.  You might be too excited to eat or you might not really like what I packed you.  But you are going to be at school longer than you've ever been (and knowing you, it will seem like forever) and if you don't eat, you are going to be starving.  And Tip #4B - Rubbing your tummy as a "secret sign" that you are hungry will not work with your teacher like it works with me.  She is going to be more concerned about teaching you to read then finding you some Cheez-Its.

Tip #5 - Know when to keep quiet.  This isn't to sound mean but, my friend, you come from a long line of talkers (trust me, I've seen your Ninny's report cards).  Don't be a mute like your mom was in school and hardly ever say a word, but choose your time to talk wisely.  Do it at recess or after you've raised your hand and your teacher calls on you.  Or if you are in a group working on something.  But don't do it when you are supposed to be working.  I promise you can talk my legs off as soon as I pick you up from school.  Just put a lit on it until then :) And try to keep the entertaining to a minimum.  Yes, you are VERY entertaining, but entertaining during school hours might not earn you the applause you are looking for!

There are so many other words of wisdom that I could tell you about, Brian.  And little secrets, too.  Like how I am sure that there will be days when your brother will destroy your room while you are gone, but how I promise I will fix it and you won't even know it happened.  Or how tomorrow morning when I am taking pictures of you and pumping you up for your first day, I will be trying really hard not to cry because my baby boy is growing up.  You will never have another first day of kindergarten again and I plan on soaking up every bit of it.  And when I drop you off at your classroom door and kiss you and hug you and tell you to have a good day?  I can assure you that there will be a gigantic knot in my throat the size of Texas.  And even though I'll be able to go home and do some things around the house and maybe even just enjoy some quiet time, I will looking at the clock all day and counting down the minutes to come get you. Because I know this will be a lot harder on me than it is on you.  And I will feel like a kid at Christmas whenever I see your smiling face and get to hear all about your wonderful day. 

I hope you have the best first day of school ever, Brian Joshua!  And if I am smart, I will start writing my list of advice to you for high school now because I am sure that it is going to be much longer than this one.

Meltdown City, USA

I know what I am about to write about is something that every parent has to deal with in their life.   I know that I am not the only one to have to go through it.  And yet, just the thought of it makes me want to take a trip to Meltdown City.  Why, you ask?  Because in exactly a week from today, Brian starts kindergarten.

Is this his first time to be away from me and go to school? Nope.  So why I am so berserk? Because he will be gone all.day.long.  Brian has a very late summer birthday, so because of his young age, I wanted him to do pre-k twice.  Now, he is closer to the same age as the other kiddos and this will put him at graduating when he is 18, not 17.  I didn't want him to struggle in school because he was so young and I didn't want him to end up being the last one of his friends to be able to do things like drive a car and date.  Wait, yes I do want him to be the last one of his friends to date.  Which should be no problem since he will be 30 when I allow that to happen.  Anyway, making that decision was great for him.  He is excelling at school, is already reading quite a bit, and had an extra year to get a little more mature.  But it kinda spoiled me to the whole two-hours-at-school thing.  He got to go to school and then be with me for the rest of the day.  For TWO years.  And now, come Monday, he will be gone all day.  I think it is going to be wonderful for him.  He is Mr. Social Butterfly and is going to love being around kids his age all day. He is going to finally get to eat in the cafeteria and go to gym and music. But what am I going to do with myself while he's doing all this?

Hudson and I are going to have a lot of time together, just the two of us.  But, boy, are we going to miss our bubba.  It is going to take some major adjusting for the both of us.  There are times during the day now when both kids are being as loud and ornery as they can possibly be and I will think, "Man, a little peace and quiet sure would be nice."  But then in that rare moment when they are both gone and I am alone, all I do is wish they were back making noise.  I miss them so bad. 

I'm pretty sure that I will be a basket case on Monday morning.  Wes has a dentist appointment and is taking a half day so he will get to go with me to drop Brian off on his first day.  I am sure that will be the only thing keeping me in line because I know that if I bawl and cause too big of a scene that Wes will make fun of me for the rest of our lives.  But you can bet I will have my camera in tow and some Kleenex stuffed in my purse.  It's moments like these that are so, so precious but make the reality that Brian is growing up even more obvious.  I am so proud of him and the young man he is becoming but I just want to treasure every single moment and milestone he has while he is still little and actually doesn't get embarrassed by his mom :)  And then I'm going to have to do it all over again with Hudson.  Waaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!! :(

First First Day of Pre-K - 2011

He had only been 4 for 2 weeks.  Look at those cute little baby fat cheeks...

 

 

 

Second First Day of Pre-K - 2012

He gained a baby brother that year and lost some of that baby fat...

 



Cruel, Cruel Summer

Somehow, a summer cold has hit the Powell home.  Well, part of us anyway- Mama and Huddie.  Huddie started it!  Poor baby has been feeling miserable with a constant runny nose and cough.  Plus, he's getting another tooth so that has just made things worse.  Hudson is always such a good baby.  I mean, like REALLY good.  Near perfect.  But, oh boy, has he been cranky for the past two days.  Poor guy. And a mom who feels like crud is never a good thing.

Brian and Wes went to visit some good friends of ours tonight, and Hudson and I stayed home so we wouldn't infect anyone.  Hud is asleep now and I'm alone so I decided to post some pictures of my family from this summer that I actually haven't posted on Facebook!  Shocking, huh? Since I post EVERYTHING on Facebook! Ha.

Brian had his end-of-the-season pool party with his Cubs.  Hudson enjoyed swimming, too. And Dad.  I honestly didn't know a grown man could have so much fun.  He was like an honorary Cub that day in the pool. And he threw so many kids into the water, he couldn't move the next morning.  No joke.

 Brian getting his trophy from Coach Nickell

 

 

 So proud!!

 

 The Cubs!

 

 

 Having a blast!

 

One of my favorite pics of all time!

 

 

 

Brian LOVED his first season of playing t-ball and so did we!  We can't wait for fall ball to start.  I know I may be a little biased, but this may just be the cutest baseball player EVER....

 

 

 

And the cutest team EVER...

 

 

And the cutest Cubs fan EVER.

 

 

 

And last, but certainly not least, what I like to fondly call my boys' "model-looks."  They are pretty good, don't you think?  They definitely have the poses down :)

 

 

 

Believe it or not, Wes has a senior pic with this EXACT SAME POSE.  Except he is standing in front of a fake bookcase and looks a little ridiculous. 

 

 

 

And Brian?  Well, psh.  He's been doing this for years already. Absolute pro.

 

 

See?  Already knows how to work a prop :)





The Blog Is Back

If we are friends on Facebook, then you probably already know that we got a new computer!  And by "new" I don't mean an upgrade.  I mean got a new computer, period.  I haven't had a home computer in about 4 years.  When I was still working, I had access to one all day and didn't feel the need to have one at home, too.  But now that I am at home, doing everything online that you need to by way of your iPhone just isn't that easy or practical.  I am excited that my poor neglected blog will be able to be reborn.  I miss blogging but it is just too difficult to blog on my phone when you are as long-winded as I am.  Not to mention the plethora of typos...

Even though I doubt I'll be able to blog as frequently as I used to, I can still keep everyone updated on the happenings here at our house.  When I pulled up my blog tonight, I noticed that the pictures I have on here are so outdated it's pathetic.  Wes and my pics are from our wedding day in 2011.  Brian's too.  And Hudson was like 2 months old in his.  So to kick off this little re-launch, I will change my photos if I can remember how to :))

What's Been Going On-

Since my last blog (which was difficult because I had just lost my Lady Girl) we traveled by car to California for our very first trip to Disneyland!  Wes and I were like 2 large kids at the most magical place on earth.  It was kinda sad how excited we were.  The boys loved it too.  We also got the idea to tour some famous places in LA.  I had never felt so scared in my whole life.  Talk about a fish out of water.  I felt like my life was in danger about every 2 seconds.  It was a blast. 

We have all been pretty busy the last few months.  Here is a little of what each of us has been doing:

Wes-  This guy is just climbing the ladder at work.  He got another raise and is just being a rockstar at his new position.  You shouldn't be surprised if the next time I blog, I tell you that he's running the whole company.  He also volunteered to take over as head coach for Brian's t-ball team this fall. What a brave, brave soul.

Brian-  This kid is getting taller by the second.  He is reading (really well) and just finished his first season of t-ball which he loves.  He is a few weeks away from turning the big 6 and will be starting kindergarten next month.  This means he will be at school all day instead of just 2 hours.  I know it will be great for him and he will love it, but it is going to be hard for this mama to get used to not having him around as much.  He is still loving being a big brother although he's become quite bossy towards the little bro ;)  Oh, and he's in the process of riding a bike with no training wheels.  But that has been a disaster and will need an entire blog entry dedicated to THAT debacle.

Hudson- Our little baby just turned 1! Time has literally flown.  I love watching him grow and his personality develop, but I sure hate how fast it is happening. He is walking and talking up a storm.  His language skills baffle me.  Even his pediatrician said that it is very uncommon for babies to be saying as much as Hudson is at his age (TRANSLATION:  HE IS A GENIUS).  He is becoming a lot like his mom in some ways, like being scared of silly things and liking books.  And he is becoming a lot like his daddy too, like being ornery and stubborn :)  He says "yeah" "mama" da-da" "bubba" "bye bye" "hi" "baby" "ninny" "uh-oh" "Shhh" and "Pa-pa" and learning more each day.   He is really such a joy to all of us.  And as for that blood disorder...yeah, God totally took care of that!

Me-  I am having a blast staying home with my babies.  There are days I watch the clock until Wes gets home, lock myself in the bathroom for 30 seconds to just get a little peace, and watch Alvin and the "Chicknuts" (Brian) until I want to scream.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  I love it.  These are precious times and even if I sometimes want to purposely get amnesia, I truly am grateful for them.  And when you are chasing around 2 boys all day, you rarely have time to eat out of boredom so it makes it easier to lose weight :)

So there's the update so far.  Hopefully, this little blog will finally have some life in it again.

My Little Girl

Oh, this post is hard to write but I want to get it all out because I need to...

I have been an animal lover my whole life. Dressed my cats up like baby dolls when I was little, took in every stray I could- you get the picture. After I moved to the city when I was 13, I didn't have any animals for several years. Then one day while my was working downtown, she called and said "There is a beautiful cocker spaniel down here that needs a home. Get down here."

When I first saw Lady, she was the most beautiful dog I had ever seen. Cocker Spaniels are my favorite dogs because my very first dog was one. I fell in love with her immediately. She had a heavy chain for a collar and was cowered down acing so timid. Her name was "GiGi" but she never came when I called it. So I named her "Lady" because she looked just like Lady from "Lady and the Tramp" but he was silky black.

I took that chain off immediately and she was a pampered pooch from that moment on. She followed me everywhere. Got all worked up if another dog even dared approach me. She would sleep next to me in bed with her head on the pillow. I took her everywhere I went.

We went through a lifetime of events together. When I started teaching, I had framed pictures of her in my classroom and all my students knew all about her. She made her way into lots of math lessons and English sentences. I got married and later divorced and then remarried with her by my side. She always knew when I was upset and she would never leave me and would always lick my tears away. We survived a tornado together- seriously. I held her on my lap as our house was destroyed and she peed all over my lap (and I probably did too!). She was there the first time I lost someone close to me- my beloved Granny Perkins. She was there for me when my Papa followed a few years later. She made it through me bringing two baby boys home. I remember when Brian was a newborn and she would race to his crib every single time he whimpered. I could type all night about my memories of her. Bless her heart, she endured so many doggie sweaters and bandanas before I had human babies to dress. But she loved it and let me do whatever I wanted.

My heart hurts so bad. I hate when people say things like "it's just a dog" because it is so much more than that. She taught me to be a mama before I became a real one. This afternoon, when she was so close to the end, she still managed a tail wag when she heard my voice. When I called to tell my dad the news, he said "she wasn't just a dog. She was a gift" and he was exactly right. A gift that I am so thankful that God gave me to treasure for almost 14 years.
As bad as it hurts, the joy is greater than the pain. God gave man the joy of animals as just another way to show love. And I can't wait to see her again someday. My beautiful, Lady Girl. Thank you for your faithfulness and love to me.

Here's What's Happening at the Ranch...

Okay, I stole that title from the Pioneer Woman. But that's okay, because she is our hero. She has never let me down with a single recipe. And because of that, she is the only other woman that I would allow my husband to spend time with. But only in hopes that she would make us something to eat. Anyway....

I haven't posted in such a long time that I thought I would bring everyone up-to-date on what's going on with our family.

Wes- Back in November, my super smart, super motivated husband got promoted at his job that he has only been at for less than 6 months. And got a pretty nice raise. Not only has this been a financial blessing to our family, but this job is providing some really great opportunities for him in the future with this company.

Me- Not much to report here. I'm enjoying my new line of work staying home and taking care of my two boys. Let me tell you, working full time was easier but not nearly as fun and fulfilling. I can think of no better way that I'd like to be exhausted. I have been feeding my addiction to Pinterest on the side and as a result have been making some delicious food and have a majorly organized house. I have a problem. I really do.

Brian- I cannot say enough about my firstborn, beautiful boy. Excelling at school like you wouldn't believe. Always making friends and will befriend anyone. We make a pretty good team too. I've been teaching him to read here at home and he is just amazing me. He has read 3 books by himself so far. We have about 4 sentences we work on each day which all include the sight word of the week. I love it because I get to be a teacher and who better to have as your star student than your son?

Hudson- Growing. Like. A. Weed. I would be totally fine with him staying this age for a couple of years. He is crawling all over the place, eating like a pig, and about to pop a couple of teeth. I am convinced he is a baby genius because even his pediatrician comments on how early he is doing everything. He babbles and babbles but distinctly can refer to his Ma-ma, Da-da, Bu-ba (Bubba), and his personal favorite, his Bah-bah (bottle). We haven't had a blood check since right after thanksgiving when his number was still a 9 (hallelujah!) and he doesn't go for another appointment until the 25th of February. I am expecting nothing but another good number. He is just my little miracle baby. I am so thankful he is doing so well. I'm hoping that the worst is behind us and his case will end up being mild. I even found a support group on Facebook and although most of the members are from other countries (spherocytosis is most common in people of European descent) it has really been a blessing to me to give and receive encouragement from others dealing with this disorder.

My mom is taking us on a special trip to Disneyland on spring break so Brian can see the new Cars Land. None of us have ever been and so we are so excited! We would never be able to do something like this without my mom's giving heart. Wes and I are planning on acting more like children than our actual children. And I am excited because I am planning on not doing a thing to my hair and wearing a hat all week. Because I can. Because Disneyland is the "happiest place on earth" and that, to me, means a place where you don't have to fix your hair. We are also driving, so please pray for us. Not only for our safety, but also our sanity. Two kids plus Wes and his energy drinks could be a little crazy. We are stopping at the Grand Canyon on the way out to CA and I can't wait to finally see it. Plus, Brian and Hudson get to have their first trip to the beach. I will definitely have a million page blog about his trip, I'm sure...dun, dun, dun... :)

Jessica

Something to Be Thankful For

This year has come and gone in a blur
of happiness and trials for me. And through each thing that has happened, I have learned how to let go of the things I can't control and trust God more. I can say that this year has brought some of the greatest blessings I never dreamed possible. I have really tried to keep up with my daily thankfulness posts on Facebook but have sadly failed the past week. Not because I don't have anything to be thankful for though! It would take a million blog posts to be able to list everything and even then I'm sure I wouldn't be able to list them all.

I am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband to lead our family. After making the decision that I would stay at home full time once Hudson was born, our income changed pretty drastically less than a month before Hudson was due to arrive. And not in a positive way. But knowing God wanted me home with the boys, Wes refused to let me bear the burden of how to make up the lost income. He looked for a second job, filled out applications and prayed. Literally as we drove home from the hospital with our 5 day old son, he got a call that would change everything for us. God blessed him with a new job and just 3 short months later, promoted him at his new company. We have never been late on a bill or gone without one single time. Even with a gazillion medical bills that we never expected. But God knew. And I believe he honored my husband's faithfulness to our children by his determination to give them their mommy everyday.

I am so thankful for my firstborn. He has blessed me with how much he has grown this year in so many ways. He is excelling at school, growing more compassionate and helpful and is the best big brother. He has been through a lot of big changes in his sweet 5 years on this earth and has just taken them all in stride. One of my greatest joys this year has been watching him nurture his baby brother. "it's okay, Hudson. Big brudder is here. Don't cry." Being away from your mommy for an unexpected week when your brother was born and bring dragged to hospitals and doctor offices all summer isn't much fun but he never once complained. Just always enjoyed being with mom and brother.

I am so thankful for my second and last child I will ever physically bear myself. He has surpassed my expectations as to what having another child would be like. He is the happiest baby in the world. Beautiful in every way. For 9 months I waited impatiently for him to arrive, never ever dreaming that within 24 hours of his birth, I would be praying for his healing. I remember standing with Wes over Hudson's incubator, unable to even hold our son except to feed him, and just laying my hands on him and crying out to God to take care of him. God gave us the most amazing pediatrician who has always taken such good care of Brian and would not stop until she discovered what was wrong with Hudson. She cried when we did and we will always be thankful for her as well as the many other doctors and nurses who have walked with us through Hudson's disorder. God has given Hudson 4 months without a transfusion and that to me is a testimony that I feel honored to be able to share.

I am so thankful for my mom. You can be 31 years old and a mother of two and still never stop needing your mom. I remember a few days after Hudson's birth when he was still pretty critical with the jaundice caused by his disorder. I woke up and just had a hard day. Emotions got the best of me and I couldn't eat or sleep. Just cry. I couldn't even stand without feeling like my legs couldn't hold me up. My mom had been taking care of Brian and hadn't left his side. But she knew I needed her and the hospital door opened and there she was. Just to sit with me. I love that woman so much. I hope I can be half the mother she is to my boys.

These are just a few of the many, many things I have been thankful for this year. Sometimes it is the hardest, most intense times that truly remind us just how blessed we are.